My motivating factor for recovery and life has always been my job. Pretty consistently it's been the one thing that brings me joy. 8 hours of respite from the reality of my existence. I recognise this isn't the most common of experiences, and I've always been grateful to have something so consistently positive within my life.
I'm a teaching assistant, so the days are always different and the job active. I think the fast paced environment combined with the student connection explains why my job has always been my safe space.
Until now.
Things have got dark again, the Christmas break was the lowest I've been in a while, and a whole tonne of stuff happened. I looked forward to returning to work, to the daily sanctuary away from my illness. It just never came.
I go to work, I interact with my colleagues and students, I play games, I laugh and smile. But there is no joy. It's as if I'm sat inside a shell, a body experiencing all of the physical symptoms of happiness yet none of the emotional ones. It hurts so much.
I drag myself in each day and I'm honestly not sure why. I guess it's a different place to be sad in. This morning all I could think about was ctb, I was sat feeding a child and that was the only thing on my mind. It's messed up. I'm messed up. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this for.
I'm a teaching assistant, so the days are always different and the job active. I think the fast paced environment combined with the student connection explains why my job has always been my safe space.
Until now.
Things have got dark again, the Christmas break was the lowest I've been in a while, and a whole tonne of stuff happened. I looked forward to returning to work, to the daily sanctuary away from my illness. It just never came.
I go to work, I interact with my colleagues and students, I play games, I laugh and smile. But there is no joy. It's as if I'm sat inside a shell, a body experiencing all of the physical symptoms of happiness yet none of the emotional ones. It hurts so much.
I drag myself in each day and I'm honestly not sure why. I guess it's a different place to be sad in. This morning all I could think about was ctb, I was sat feeding a child and that was the only thing on my mind. It's messed up. I'm messed up. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this for.
