I’m a failure and don’t want to live

[dudebl]

I had it all - a house, six figure job - and I stupidly lost it all.

I'm a loser, a pathetic, washed up, 36 year old, unemployed, living at his moms house - loser.

I had a high pressure stressful job, I sold my house for a profit and moved to Florida and rented. I decided to take time off and live on my savings to combat my burn out and mental health.

I was always a top engineer at my jobs, top performer - I figured I'd find another job when I needed - now the job market is trash, I'm above the prime age for IT - I have nothing.

Add to this I have a misdemeanor from 2021 for saying the f-word in the presence of a cop.

I'll never rebuild anything or have anything again. I'll probably end up homeless in old age and broke.

Why!?!? Why can't it just end now? Why make me wait only to beat the pain of my stupid decisions and a life of eternal pain? Why?!??

 

[TBONTB]

I had it all - a house, six figure job - and I stupidly lost it all.

I'm a loser, a pathetic, washed up, 36 year old, unemployed, living at his moms house - loser.

I had a high pressure stressful job, I sold my house for a profit and moved to Florida and rented. I decided to take time off and live on my savings to combat my burn out and mental health.

I was always a top engineer at my jobs, top performer - I figured I'd find another job when I needed - now the job market is trash, I'm above the prime age for IT - I have nothing.

Add to this I have a misdemeanor from 2021 for saying the f-word in the presence of a cop.

I'll never rebuild anything or have anything again. I'll probably end up homeless in old age and broke.

Why!?!? Why can't it just end now? Why make me wait only to beat the pain of my stupid decisions and a life of eternal pain? Why?!??

I can relate. Different story about going from the top of the world to being lost, but the same situation. I can relate to the fear, and the self-blame. One move this way instead of that and Id have a good life instead of hanging out on a suicide forum.

Damn

 

[dudebl]

I can relate. Different story about going from the top of the world to being lost, but the same situation. I can relate to the fear, and the self-blame. One move this way instead of that and Id have a good life instead of hanging out on a suicide forum.

Damn

If I could go back I'd make one different decision to fix it all.

 

[TBONTB]

If I could go back I'd make one different decision to fix it all.

If we could go back...I've played that game a lot. Theres one huge decision, like you said, would have changed it all. But then there's another decision 20 years before that set everything in motion. And then another decision just last year that could have made things a bit better. Pretty soon it's decisions, decisions everywhere. It's horrifically sad to me. I should have seen it coming and I didn't.

 

[dudebl]

If we could go back...I've played that game a lot. Theres one huge decision, like you said, would have changed it all. But then there's another decision 20 years before that set everything in motion. And then another decision just last year that could have made things a bit better. Pretty soon it's decisions, decisions everywhere. It's horrifically sad to me. I should have seen it coming and I didn't.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm trapped, no easy way out.

Only way out is a generator in a garage which will destroy my mom (police, fire trucks in front of house and loss of me).

Plus the only time to do it would be when she goes away on a cruise, so my body would sit and rot until she got back and set panic in immediately when she returns and I fail to get her from the airport.

I took 20 hydrocodone pills the other day (not that I thought it would work as they were 5mg = 100mg) but I had hope since ChatGPT seemed freaked out.

There is no effin winning.

 

[kopebaldy]

Life is exhausting.

You work until you collapse and you stand up and keep working. No rest. The moment you divert from the path, society shuts you out of it completely.

I always wonder how comes anyone can go through this and still be optimistic.

 

[brighteyesfan144]

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm trapped, no easy way out.

Only way out is a generator in a garage which will destroy my mom (police, fire trucks in front of house and loss of me).

Plus the only time to do it would be when she goes away on a cruise, so my body would sit and rot until she got back and set panic in immediately when she returns and I fail to get her from the airport.

I took 20 hydrocodone pills the other day (not that I thought it would work as they were 5mg = 100mg) but I had hope since ChatGPT seemed freaked out.

There is no effin winning.

same story but at least you have a mom that loves you, you could be like me 30+ years old living in the basement of some random old lady who hates you for 1400/month and makes your life miserable and other than that you could be on the streets with all the fentanyl junkies
not to say your life is better i just wish i had a place to sleep that wasn't guarded by old bastard bitch women ... if your mom isn't like that then love your life