i'll always be a failure

[zombiegirl]

there are multiple factors to this, but basically i have never been cut out for this life thing. i've always lacked the "drive" others seem to have in working or getting things done. i'm irresponsible, carefree, lazy, and stupid. and at some point during teenage years, i decided that i wasn't going to make it to adulthood anyways, so i gave up the little motivation/discipline i had to begin with

i'm trying to get on disability for some physical and mental shit so i can have an income because i live with my parents and want to contribute--haven't been called back to any of the hundreds of job applications i've sent in this nothing town so i have 0 hope in that department. and even if i did somehow manage to get another job, i've been fired before because of my issues and i know it'll happen again. whenever i have "episodes", even if they're short-lived, they always seem to ruin whatever i had going for me in life and then i'm back to square 1 again.


whatever. i feel like a failure, a burden, a waste of space. i wasn't made for this and idk why i was even born. what's gonna happen when my parents die? am i gonna be homeless forever? what's gonna happen when i get old and can't even get a husband to help me get through life? i feel disgusting for being so dependent on others. i wish i had the ability to take care of myself, but i can only do it for so long before i break. maybe if life allowed us to have breaks i could make it but that's not how it works and idk how normal people function, how they just carry on forever and ever