ik self diagnosing is bad but i’m starting to wonder if i have more than like potential undiagnosed bpd and ocd (long post) (replies welcome)

[Awesomefoid67]

those are the main two things i suspect are wrong with me rn but i was doing more research and i fit the criteria i think for both avpd and dpd. like i almost always avoid social interactions when possible unless like online but they still bring me alot of anxiety and when in social situations i'm always really quiet cus i think i'll just embarass myself and like i'm super sensitive to rejection. it could just be the autism for that but idk like

1. Avoidance of social, interpersonal, and occupational activities that involve frequent contact due to an underlying fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection. this is definitely me lmao, i avoid messaging people first like the plague just incase i might annoy them or they might not want to talk (except for the guy i like basically and sometimes i can do it with some friends but i usually feel very uncomfortable and scared doing it)
2. Unwillingness to become involved with new relationships unless there is a certainty of being liked. i do this alot lmao i never reslly seek out friends or whatever every friend i have is online and i only have a few actual ones
3. Restraint in intimate relationships due to a fear of being ridiculed or shamed. this one not so much cus i am insanely obsessed with the guy i like lmfao but idfk
4. Preoccupation with criticism and rejection. 100000% every message i send to someone i have to think about for ages and retype to make sure its perfect though this could be potentially undiagnosed ocd but idk
5. Inhibition in new interpersonal situations due to feelings of inadequacy. 100000% i am very quiet and basically only talk when people talk to me and im super shy
6. Low self-confidence with the belief that they are inherently inferior or unappealing to others. i feel like this most of the time
7. Reluctance to take personal risks or engage in activities that can result in embarrassment or perceived failure. i do this all the time lmao

also they describe the appearance/traits of someone with it and they match me alot

• Appearance: The patient's general grooming and fashion choices should be noted. Individuals with AVPD are likely to dress neutrally to avoid the risk of criticism or comments about their appearance. Clothing, accessories, hairstyles, and highly noticeable or eccentric tattoos suggest against AVPD. i think this could be autism but all i wear is like band shirts and jogging bottoms and never do anything with my hair or whatever. i have considered tattoos though. but like i;d be willing to change my style if the guy i like wanted me to so i could be perfect for him
• Behavior: Reserved and nervous behaviors, downcast gaze, difficulty making eye contact, or feeling uncomfortable when eye contact is established may be seen in individuals with AVPD. In addition, cooperation may fluctuate depending on how the patient feels the clinician "likes" them. again could be sutism but like definitely me
• Speech: Individuals with AVPD may exhibit decreased speech due to shyness. However, no expected speech initiation, volume, or vocabulary concerns exist. oh 100% even in conversations with people i like i stay quiet for like most of the time snd just sdd a comment or two usually every now and then
• Affect: Affect is likely to present as anxiety or other stress, particularly in the uncomfortable environment of a clinical evaluation. lol
• Thought content: Thought content in individuals with AVPD is likely to center around a fear of being disliked; however, it is not typically at a delusional or obsessional level. Thoughts of suicide, particularly regarding fear of abandonment, may be more suggestive of borderline personality disorder than AVPD. this part is kinda making me question it but like it could be both
• Thought process: In individuals with AVPD, the thought process is expected to be linear but limited in range and logic. Their fear of being judged tends to influence their thinking, leading to a heightened focus on concrete and specific aspects of potential criticism.
• Cognition: General cognition and orientation is not expected to be impaired in individuals with AVPD.
• Judgment: Judgement in individuals with AVPD is poor, as their fear of rejection is generally largely unfounded but prevents them from making rational decisions about their interpersonal functioning. yeah

as for dpd which im not as sure sbout but idk could just be anxiety:

1. Has difficulty making everyday decisions without excessive advice and reassurance from others. 1000%. i can make some decisions by myself sometimes but like alot of the time i need help or approval to do some things idk it varies alot
2. Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life. oh 1000000% i cant even book appointments by myself i rely on my parents for fucking everything lmao
3. Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. (Note: Do not include realistic fears of retribution.) yes but this could just be rsd.
4. Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy). 100%
5. Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do unpleasant things. this ones questionable i think i would do those things but only for the guy i like
6. Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for oneself. yes. i literally cannot take care of myself. i cant even operate a washing machine
7. Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends. i've never really had one before this guy but like idk i cant really say for this one. i mean i tried to be more indipendent from my parents which lead to me becoming dependent on my online friends so like
8. Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to care for himself or herself. yes. yes. yes.

as for presentation stuff:

• Appearance: General grooming and attire. Individuals with dependent personality disorder may dress according to others' choices and frequently seek approval for clothing and fashion decisions. i want the guy i like to decide what i wear cus im terrified of trying other styles and stuff
• Behavior: Frequently ask for approval from family regarding decisions and answers to questions. i do this alot lmao
• Speech: Individuals with dependent personality disorder may exhibit decreased speech due to shyness, but it is normal rate and tone. yeah
• Affect: May have anxious affect, particularly in the perceived uncomfortable environment of a clinical evaluation when seeking approval from the clinician and any family present. i almost always have to have my parents speak for me in appointments though i kinda can if im on my own
• Thought content: This may center around the fear of losing support from others. Thoughts of suicide, particularly in the context of fear of abandonment, may suggest borderline personality disorder rather than dependent personality disorder. yeah
• Thought process: Expected to be linear but limited in range and logic with the structure of seeking the approval of others. kinda?
• Cognition: General cognition and orientation are not expected to be impaired.
• Insight: Usually poor and rather concrete. yeah
• Judgment: Poor, as the frequent seeking of approval is usually unnecessary and can hinder the individual from making rational decisions. i think so. idk. i fluctuate between needing approval/help to do certain things and then doing insane shit on impulse lmao

so like idk. i'm not sure if these could just be part of the above potential ocd and bpd (which i will elaborate on after this) or just anxiety or just me being mentally a child still

as for the bpd and ocd ive posted about this before but for bpd:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. i have more of a fear of it but i have done some dumb stuff like when i embarassed myself and thought my friends would leave i spammed apologies into their dms. also cut myself on call with the guy i like cus he was disappointed in me for something
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation . i think so. i am obsessed with this guy but sometimes i think of him as like the devil i've posted some rants here like that and i always feel really bad afterwards
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. idk what this one really means but i have terrible self image and like i don't feel like a real/full person especially not when im talking to the guy i like with him its like i transform into a different person kinda idk
4. Impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self-damaging, for example, spending, substance abuse, reckless driving, sex, or binge eating. spending check, substance abuse check, and binge eating check though thats been better since i got on adhd meds and mounjaro
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior i cut myself alot, threaten to kill myself sometimes even as a kid i did this lol and have done a few like suicide "attempts" i half arsed cus i didnt really want them to work but i kinda did but also so people could see how much im suffering. i've slso told the guy i like id kms if he left and i genuinely believe i would
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood, for example, intense episodic dysphoria, anxiety, or irritability, usually lasting a few hours and rarely more than a few days. yes lmao. i cant put into words how much yes this is.
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. yes
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger, for example, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights. not so much this one reslly, i do get angry sometimes but its rare and i usually isolate myself cus ive always been like that and even as a kid i always felt awful after getting angry so i isolate to try to not hurt snyone
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. i get kinda paranoid sometimes but slso when i'm stressed sometimes i start hallucinating like shadows moving or worms on the ground

cba to include rhe other stuff for this one cus alot of it is covered in the other stuff. if i do have bpd its definitely the quiet type.

as for ocd:
Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive, unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress. The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize them with some thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion i get these slot like whenever im outside im scared everyone is going to rob or attack me and i have to go through a mental checklist to try decide whether they will or wont. i also have horrible health anxiety and sometimes spend hours googling symptoms debating whether or not im gonna die of 50 different things. i also get urges to hurt people near me alot and i have to like try push the thoughts out of my head and stop them and sometimes biting on my finger helps. also other stuff i detailed in snother post. the compulsions are all mostly mental trying to remove the thoughts or calm them or mentally repeating to myself to not do the thing or rhat the bad thing wont happen. this could also cover some of the other stuff

anyway this was just a random thing i thought of and wanted to rant about mostly so i could try understand it myself