They say Sanctioned Suicide was addictive. Lol. But this isn't what I want to imply.
I think I once posted if suicide was a drug to you what would it be? Not entirely sure I posted this exact question ever. I couldn't find it.
Which drug is Sanctioned Suicide to me?
I never done drugs. But I took a lot of medication in my life. Antipsychotics, benzos, z-medication, antidepressants, mood stabilizers (horrible experience with it).
I never drunk intentionally alcohol. Lol. I drink a lot of caffeine though. Never smoked anything. No hard drugs.
Honestly, when I think about it. I would say Sanctioned Suicide is like an antipsychotic to me. I had psychoses in the past. I consider it a compliment.
If I refered to it as benzo it would emphasize the addictive nature. Benzos helped me a lot in times of crises but they also destroyed my health in the longrun. And I cannot say that about SaSu.
Many people hate antipsychotics. Antipsychotics have a bad reputation. And I only would recommend taking them if you really need it. Actually, this metaphor works pretty well thus far. But I benefited a lot from antipsychotics in my life. My life would be so much worse. In the following part the metaphor isn't working anymore. First, I hated taking antipsychotics. They had some nasty side effects. But I managed to find an antipsychotic with acceptable side effects. And I even found a way to take them without having any negative side effects.
I also found ways to maximize the positive effects of SaSu while avoiding potential negative effects on me. And it works well for me. I am not sure whether I am too coldhearted to spend time on here. I feel horrible for so many people on here and I am thinking a lot about a member that disappeared recently. I hope he is doing well. I hope he isn't dead.
I think I have a clearer mind when I am taking antipsychotics. (and when I reflect on here). The time without antipsychotics was horrible. My life without SaSu also was so extremely lonely. I took antipsychotics 2016 and tried to quit them and then I had a relapse because of this. I started to take anitpsychotics again 2019. They stabilized me and made my mind clearer. 2020 I also found SaSu. I think without antipsychotics I would not have been stable enough to post on here. Actually, the two years without antipsychotics were pretty fucking insane. I think I was pretty good in self-regulating my thoughts. I knew which thoughts made me become psychotic. There were thoughts that I prohibited me to think about. The only things I was allowed to think about was misery, depression and suicide. Actually, this sounds like the logic of someone who is psychotic. Though, this isn't exactly what it was. I think I avoided to think about social interactions, love and many more topics that could trigger me. I had only a small window of topics I could think about to prevent getting destablized. I was really good in differentiating what was psychotic and what wasn't psychotic. I did psychotherapy during this time. And the psychotherapsit had the opinion I didn't need antipsychotics. Which was obviously wrong. Honestly, she was so fucking dumb. But the thing my recent therapist did with me was so much worse. I had to realize there isn't a rock bottom for my therapy experiences. I even had one or two interviews in front of psychotherapy students during this time I was petty good in faking I was stable. Though, the time was an extreme nightmare. In some ways it is unbelievable to me of what I have been through in my life.
I think I once posted if suicide was a drug to you what would it be? Not entirely sure I posted this exact question ever. I couldn't find it.
Which drug is Sanctioned Suicide to me?
I never done drugs. But I took a lot of medication in my life. Antipsychotics, benzos, z-medication, antidepressants, mood stabilizers (horrible experience with it).
I never drunk intentionally alcohol. Lol. I drink a lot of caffeine though. Never smoked anything. No hard drugs.
Honestly, when I think about it. I would say Sanctioned Suicide is like an antipsychotic to me. I had psychoses in the past. I consider it a compliment.
If I refered to it as benzo it would emphasize the addictive nature. Benzos helped me a lot in times of crises but they also destroyed my health in the longrun. And I cannot say that about SaSu.
Many people hate antipsychotics. Antipsychotics have a bad reputation. And I only would recommend taking them if you really need it. Actually, this metaphor works pretty well thus far. But I benefited a lot from antipsychotics in my life. My life would be so much worse. In the following part the metaphor isn't working anymore. First, I hated taking antipsychotics. They had some nasty side effects. But I managed to find an antipsychotic with acceptable side effects. And I even found a way to take them without having any negative side effects.
I also found ways to maximize the positive effects of SaSu while avoiding potential negative effects on me. And it works well for me. I am not sure whether I am too coldhearted to spend time on here. I feel horrible for so many people on here and I am thinking a lot about a member that disappeared recently. I hope he is doing well. I hope he isn't dead.
I think I have a clearer mind when I am taking antipsychotics. (and when I reflect on here). The time without antipsychotics was horrible. My life without SaSu also was so extremely lonely. I took antipsychotics 2016 and tried to quit them and then I had a relapse because of this. I started to take anitpsychotics again 2019. They stabilized me and made my mind clearer. 2020 I also found SaSu. I think without antipsychotics I would not have been stable enough to post on here. Actually, the two years without antipsychotics were pretty fucking insane. I think I was pretty good in self-regulating my thoughts. I knew which thoughts made me become psychotic. There were thoughts that I prohibited me to think about. The only things I was allowed to think about was misery, depression and suicide. Actually, this sounds like the logic of someone who is psychotic. Though, this isn't exactly what it was. I think I avoided to think about social interactions, love and many more topics that could trigger me. I had only a small window of topics I could think about to prevent getting destablized. I was really good in differentiating what was psychotic and what wasn't psychotic. I did psychotherapy during this time. And the psychotherapsit had the opinion I didn't need antipsychotics. Which was obviously wrong. Honestly, she was so fucking dumb. But the thing my recent therapist did with me was so much worse. I had to realize there isn't a rock bottom for my therapy experiences. I even had one or two interviews in front of psychotherapy students during this time I was petty good in faking I was stable. Though, the time was an extreme nightmare. In some ways it is unbelievable to me of what I have been through in my life.
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