if i had known the following years would be like this, i would've continued to kill myself at 13.

[nowherelilies]

i held onto the hope that "things will get better" as they all say it will. yet nothing really ever gets better. it's just one traumatic event after another traumatic event. it's a constant loop and i'm tired of deluding myself that something will ever be different.

i bear the burden of healing myself for the trauma other people put me through only to face even more trauma. i'm tired of this constant reworking. it's just too much work. it's just too exhausting. the trauma never subsides, it only gets intensified. i wake up crying thinking about it, i go to sleep still thinking about it, hell even my dreams are plagued with it. there's really no escape.

my only regret is i really should've killed myself 10 years ago when i had the urge.

 

[nembutalkisses]

I relate very much. Every time I think it's gonna get better I end up even more traumatized. I'm sick and tired like can someone not hurt me for once.. giving hugs

 

[Marcy1024]

Exactly situation, in my case I didn't expect things going better. But I was humble and give time time, but was for nothing. Considering current results, I would prefer to suicide on 19 Jun 2017. That anniversary is about to come, for me would be very poetic try again, but... Let's say I still have many things pending