heisenberg
well, good luck babe !
- May 18, 2020
- 185
i told myself i'd ctb in april, two weeks ago actually, but i haven't. just liked i told myself i'd ctb in march of last year, then july, then december, and back to april. i'm not sure why i keep holding on, i have everything i need to ctb with sn. i have no good reason to hold on either, i hate my job, i almost never see my family, i have no friends, no hobbies, no interests, no motivation. the only thing i have is my boyfriend, i care for him but i'll be the first to say that im completely mentally checked out of our relationship. really i am mentally checked out of life. i am so bored in my day to day life. i'm a manager in 9-5 which is ironic cause i'm not a people person at all. i have no social skills and don't get out. the only constant in my life has been the feeling of wanting to ctb and my ability to only think of the past. i have lost and i'm still losing my memories due to dealing with major depression the greater half of my life. it seems like i can only remember the bad anymore. i'm at the age i told myself for years i'd never make it past. my birthday is in october so it's only fitting i at least ctb before then. my boyfriend goes on a trip with his family in july and it may be my last chance. i'm just so bored of everything. i am miserable
