Story I want to leave again (didn't thought it would come to this again)

[TheCrypt]

Today my girlfriend cut herself again and I don't know what to do it brings me down again. I tried my hardest ever to recover this year but now I just feel hopeless again I can't really do anything in life. I'm a huge disappointment I can't achieve anything. I probably would just be unsuccessful in my future job if I even would get to the point to archive a job. My life just gets harder and harder no fucking pills helps I'm just on my own again I don't know what to feel. Being awake for to long and probably I will be playing games the next days only eating bullshit and getting fatter. I'm think about punching my head again everyday til I'm gone. I'm just a pussy for being here still everyday should have ended it earlier. My dad has a tumor is in the hospital my mom doesn't feel well for her entire life. I'm just in fear and I don't know if someone would like to talk with me. I'm just waiting for the end. This shit life with my even more shit self. Can't even read and write that good since my childhood and I have a attention problem as well. The depression just gets worse how hard I try I will be depressed anyway.

 

[Losteverythingtwice]

You can't stop a moving train by throwing yourself on the rails to stop it. If you want to recover you need to leave the girlfriend.

She's obviously a massive influence on you. Try progress in your life without her. If things are meant to be maybe down the line you'll have another chance with her.

I have been co dependent on a partner in the past, not saying you are, but without realizing it drained me in every sense. Yes I felt guilty and selfish when I left.

When it was over my overall mood improved and a weight was lifted off my shoulders. and I had years of happiness . I still want to ctb but for different reasons.

 

[littlelungs]

Life can be so relentlessly fucking brutal... I'm so, so sorry that you're going through al of this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand it is a hopeless feeling when everything keeps on getting worse. Life is just so depressing, I'm sorry you are suffering. Of course it is not cowardly, the fact that you are still here, as ctb is very difficult as we are programmed to survive. If it was easier, I would already be gone. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.