Venting I want to know that I’m sick

[willitpass]

I've got a doctors appointment coming up that I'm dreading for the sake of possibly having my self harm come to light. However I'm also secretly hoping that they order a bunch of blood and stuff because I want it to come back 50 shades of fucked up. I want to see numbers that show how badly I've hurt myself. But I don't want other people to see them too. I wish I could run my own blood tests to see if things are wrong, but obviously that isn't possible. I want the knowledge that I'm sick but the privacy of no one else knowing. If they do take blood tests and they do come back like shit (which based on how I've been treating myself and how I've been feeling I'm pretty sure they will) I just hope I can manage to slip away without anyone figuring out I've done it to myself.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Are you concerned about family/friends finding out your health status? Are there no privacy laws in place where you live disallowing the sharing of your health information? Why would anyone else become aware of your bloodwork tests? Are you a minor?

 

[willitpass]

Are you concerned about family/friends finding out your health status? Are there no privacy laws in place where you live disallowing the sharing of your health information? Why would anyone else become aware of your bloodwork tests? Are you a minor?

By other people I mean healthcare professionals. I don't want the doctor to see my results. I don't want to be treated. I simply want to see them for myself. I want to know for my own mind that my body is sick, but I don't want anyone to know who may say I need to get treated. My family have no way of ever finding out unless I tell them, which I wouldn't. I have no interest in being seen as sick to others. I just want to know for myself. Obviously that isn't possible though.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about your healthcare providers seeing your results as they need the info to make informed decisions about your care. The only way to keep your health status from them is simply to not seek help from them, or have tests done. You do have the option of refusing treatment where you are????

 

[willitpass]

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about your healthcare providers seeing your results as they need the info to make informed decisions about your care. The only way to keep your health status from them is simply to not seek help from them, or have tests done. You do have the option of refusing treatment where you are????

I can refuse treatment yes, unless they piece together that it's due to self harm. The amount of Tylenol I've been taking every day for weeks on end now is going to be impossible to write off as an accident if they test my acetaminophen levels, especially if they know I work in healthcare. I regret ever making this appointment, I made it a few months ago. I could cancel, but I've already told people I'm going and I don't want to have to tell them I canceled or make up some lie about what happened. If all goes well, I'll show up, they won't run many tests, and it will be dropped, as much as I want to see the shit test results, Id much rather not get pressured into treatment by doctors. I know I can refuse, but with my psych history I'm constantly on guard that they may catch on. Sorry this doesn't make much sense, I'm feeling a bit fuzzy headed right now.