I want to die so badly it hurts

[AMutatedFlower]

I tied a noose around my neck simply practicing partial hanging. It hurts so fucking bad. I get exploding head syndrome then I start coughing, so I switched to breathing through my mouth. It helped some but why does suicide have to be literally the most painful thing you'll ever experience, yet its highly rewarding. You get to die. It's like everything I guess in life. Where can I get sodium nitrite? I need to order it. I use to be member on here with a similiar username. I'm a well known user. If someone could dm me a source, it would be welcome but I'm sure it won't be any less painful which is why I almost prefer a rope. Idk.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

same want to die so badly non-existence forever

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I also just wish to be gone, all I want is to never suffer ever again and I see so much cruelty in how it's so difficult to be free from this torturous existence, all I wish for is a painless, guaranteed death with no more suffering, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.