
Catchingdabus27
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,568
I wanna kill myself soon. I was attempting to possibly try to like get a reprieve like hospital stay and start eating again BUT nah I'm a pretty undeserving person. I am getting worse day by day and I am at a point where I don't want to get help.
Or like im hesitant bc I am so on the fence about it. Like why reach out even if it's just for the sake of stabilizing a lil...
My thinking is definitely getting a lot more black and white. I don't believe in support or help anymore.
Even my methods and what I am willing to do is changing a lil.
I hate the concept of N and how much work and money it can be. I also doubt if I'll be able to drink it. I just don't wanna fucking wait months for a method.
Àside from that I've always thought of drowning or hanging.
Those to me are a lot quicker and more accessible but def harder to execute.
I just don't wanna waste months. I have wanted to die for YEARS. i have sat and started to plan so many times. I just wanna die now...
I honestly don't care if I fail amymore tbh. I will try again regardless of the damage. I can't afford care if I was disabled to a severe degree sooo I will die regardless.
I domt have a future anymore.
Like YES it's becoming really really severe day by day. More impsulse or less care. Bc I just want to die. I am in pain and brain mushed. I don't even have the energy to live soo how the fuck am I even expecting myself to like stay around and up long enough for any complicated methods.
Nah. I would love to be gone this month and yeah def gonna start trying.
Starting to think what Ima be giving away and/ir throwing out.
I don't think I want my piece of shit family to go through any of my writing. So then I needa get rid of my diary collection...
Yeahh I'm jus getting further and further into my suicide.
Or like im hesitant bc I am so on the fence about it. Like why reach out even if it's just for the sake of stabilizing a lil...
My thinking is definitely getting a lot more black and white. I don't believe in support or help anymore.
Even my methods and what I am willing to do is changing a lil.
I hate the concept of N and how much work and money it can be. I also doubt if I'll be able to drink it. I just don't wanna fucking wait months for a method.
Àside from that I've always thought of drowning or hanging.
Those to me are a lot quicker and more accessible but def harder to execute.
I just don't wanna waste months. I have wanted to die for YEARS. i have sat and started to plan so many times. I just wanna die now...
I honestly don't care if I fail amymore tbh. I will try again regardless of the damage. I can't afford care if I was disabled to a severe degree sooo I will die regardless.
I domt have a future anymore.
Like YES it's becoming really really severe day by day. More impsulse or less care. Bc I just want to die. I am in pain and brain mushed. I don't even have the energy to live soo how the fuck am I even expecting myself to like stay around and up long enough for any complicated methods.
Nah. I would love to be gone this month and yeah def gonna start trying.
Starting to think what Ima be giving away and/ir throwing out.
I don't think I want my piece of shit family to go through any of my writing. So then I needa get rid of my diary collection...
Yeahh I'm jus getting further and further into my suicide.