i want to blame my suffering on literally everyone else but me

[404]

being extremely happy moments ago and then after that i immediately get very depressed is so painful i can't even begin to describe it

i want to blame someone for this so i'll feel a tiny bit better but in the end it's all my fault and im doing this to myself

also im such a hypocrite for wanting comfort like why do i deserve that when im the one who did a horrible thing like blaming an innocent person

i am truly the worst of all...

 

[oneirataxia]

That self awareness is the first step towards improvement. You identified and acknowledged the unhealthy behavior, and you clearly aren't happy with the way you currently are. That separates you from the worst people who revel in causing others suffering. I believe in you. I believe you can be better

 

[waterworks]

Does there really have to be someone to blame? What if it's no one's fault, not even your own. You learn a little something in life and discover, everyone is to blame for your problems. You learn a little more and discover, you're to blame for your problems. Then you learn a lot more and discover, no one is to blame, not even you. Are we all truly in control of our lives, or is our freedom of choice an illusion of memory?

The fact is in order to live happily in this world, you have to escape the thought of blame. Some people do this by forgiving everything "for their own mental health sake". But it's up to you what you choose to call this. I personally, don't think you or anyone is to blame; blame is just the convenience born of a limited mind, that cannot comprehend how every moment in time aligns to create each circumstance. If you're gonna blame something, blame the beginning of the universe. But is there a who to blame then? Who knows.

 

[404]

That self awareness is the first step towards improvement. You identified and acknowledged the unhealthy behavior, and you clearly aren't happy with the way you currently are. That separates you from the worst people who revel in causing others suffering. I believe in you. I believe you can be better

i feel like there's no point in being self-aware of my problems if i'm not improving/seeking help

granted i'm having trouble reaching out to people that will help me with my problems but still

i should come up with other plans if i really wanted to improve but there's none
i feel absolutely awful

 

[not_actually_human]

being extremely happy moments ago and then after that i immediately get very depressed is so painful i can't even begin to describe it

i want to blame someone for this so i'll feel a tiny bit better but in the end it's all my fault and im doing this to myself

also im such a hypocrite for wanting comfort like why do i deserve that when im the one who did a horrible thing like blaming an innocent person

i am truly the worst of all...

Seems like you do blame yourself a lot, it seems pathological even. Its typical for one in such a circumstance to 'blame' themselves a lot, and they would only do it if they're able to think that it is 'doing' something, and that's important for us, to be doing something, for things to be happening to them, through them, because that could mean change, but it doesn't help, it only sinks one further. To recognize and restrain this does help significantly to bring clarity, so you can ascribe cause accurately, and bring positive change.