pancakelover20
going to sleep
- Jul 16, 2025
- 6
everything is uncertain, everything is difficult, everything makes me feel like im drowning. i try to stay up and i make myself do productive things everyday. its so hard. i dont know how people live, i dont know how people enjoy any of this. i genuinely feel like theyre lying, i cant imagine anything else. the things i live for day to day are the few seconds or minutes where its not joy or happiness but i just feel the weight lift from me for a minute or i forget about everything going on and everything ive ever done. i keep my schedule, i do my chores, take care of my animals and the people around me best i can, go to the gym, go outside, keep myself occupied but i cry myself to sleep every-night. i go to bed looking at closet door i plan to hang myself from. one of those rope and dumbbell set-ups. all i want is peace and to feel like im not fighting and clawing my way through every moment. against myself and everyone else. 15 minutes until bedtime, 7:30am tomorrow i do this again. the noise of everything is so overwhelming. i feel so alone.
