I think ive officially snapped .

[JustBeingDramatic]

Went no contact w my grandma two years ago. When planning it i got supportfrom my mom and sister. Now both try to guilt trip me for sticking to it and i might miss my moms engagement because she insists on inviting her. Had to stop feeding the birds my one fucking hobby i have bc landlord threatened to evict me over it. I have no froends. My family seems to always find away to make me the problem. I dont even know if im in the right. Im going insane. I cant stop crying. Im so lonely but i have literally nobody because of my isolation. Nobody to cll or reach out to right now. Thrw away birdfeeding shit, all my old drawings that were hung up in my room. A lot of my shit. Organized eveything in my room so when i most likely off myself in the next two dys nobody has to clean my shit. I dont care if i throw out something theyd wanna keep anymore. If they loved me theyd listen to my boundaries. They wouldnt exclude me from fucking everything and treat me like an idiot. They wouldnt punish me any time i try to set a boundary. Guess im just selfish and exhausting no matter how fucking hard i try for them! Guess it wont hurt to let them all down one more time by breaking my promise and trying again. Ive been in hysterics nonstop crying all night and ill probably end up cutting again after eight years clean. Ive never felt this alone and this hope,ess before. Its all so empty. Im giving an offering to the gods tonight to ask them to kill me before friday. Wether its a stress aneyurism of me finally having the guts to hang myself. Just please let me fucking die. Im not meant to be here. I need to die. This isnt a life worth living this isnt a body worth keeping alive. This is nothing. Useless fucking dead weight. Selfish. Burden. Exhausting. Pain. Stupid. Anooying.
Gonna smoke a fuckton of weed tonight and tomorrowfinish minimizing my belongings. Maybe tomorrow night go out walking and take the rope woth me.