loslassen
call me jvne
- Dec 8, 2023
- 162
so it's taken lots of hovering over my feelings, many hours of sleep lost, months of developing approaching and breaking down my emotions, but I think I'm coming close to making a choice. I joined SS last year, in an alternate account, I was in a very dark and immature spot of my life, it will surprise you just now much you can change as a person, specially one in development in just a year. my mindset, approach in life and perspective have been positive by far, I've grown as a person a lot recently and I'm glad to say that. unfortunately my experiences in life have not, in fact they've worsened and been pretty cruel making me have expectations and then turning me down. to be fairly honest, even with my ambitions and greatly charismatic persona, I don't see a future for myself anymore. last year in June 7 (my birthday) I was going to attempt, regretted it and promised to myself I'd try and get better. I'm sad to say I failed myself, I did however try, as much as I could, so much I am happy to say I've grown lots as a person, but even after all that, I think I'm coming to a conclusion near the end of the road.
I will make my final decision during my birthday week, if things happen to go wrong and just simply confirm my despair I will commit June 6. If I happen to have a party, I will commit between June 8-18.
I'm not enclosed to these scenarios as I hope things might change, but if not, I like to have something to look forward to, I've started writing letters, which I will continue writing through this month, my partner's birthday is in a couple days so I will work hard to make sure I can get him something nice or give him money. I'll hope to have taken care of worries regarding my pets, clean my house, clean my room, throw away things I no longer have a use for, and maybe if not suspicious gift things to friends and family.
Let's see how my last month of life treats me, unfortunately I'm not living it as I wish I could have, but I have my expectations set on more tangible things now.
I will make my final decision during my birthday week, if things happen to go wrong and just simply confirm my despair I will commit June 6. If I happen to have a party, I will commit between June 8-18.
I'm not enclosed to these scenarios as I hope things might change, but if not, I like to have something to look forward to, I've started writing letters, which I will continue writing through this month, my partner's birthday is in a couple days so I will work hard to make sure I can get him something nice or give him money. I'll hope to have taken care of worries regarding my pets, clean my house, clean my room, throw away things I no longer have a use for, and maybe if not suspicious gift things to friends and family.
Let's see how my last month of life treats me, unfortunately I'm not living it as I wish I could have, but I have my expectations set on more tangible things now.
