I think I can't stand the thought of losing my soulmate (she ghosted me) and I want to consider suicide this spring

[hellonearth144]

So I had a friend whom I consider my soulmate, we were close and I told her everything. I shared everything with her. She was the first person ever who accepted me fully and I'm a unique person who didn't find a friend in 25 years of my life. She was my only source of comfort. We got along really well and I will never feel the amount of love I felt for her, for anyone else. We are both women and it was a platonic connection but I love her. The amount of feelings I have for her can't be replicated. I have lost gold and diamonds. Nobody will ever accept me as she did, bc of how weird and unique and dark and blackpilled I am, I have searched for years even the only.communities online who accept my full self are tiny as fuck and constantly disappear and are hated.
My current friend doesn't give me the desired amount of interaction and ghosts me all the time. Which I can't complain about to her bc I am scared of conflict and falling out and being left alone. Alone I can't be fully myself. I know now after last year that being with a friend is better.

 

[alstroemeria55]

I lost someone like this too. It feels as if nobody actually cares and they just lie to you. The loneliness is inconceivable and unbearable.

 

[Bruce]

At this point I've been alone for 40 years of my 43 years of life. It's bad, very bad. She left me three years ago. She is normal, I'm not. She loves the system, I hate it. Still.. I think about her often. It makes me sad. I can't wait to end my existence. I'm sorry @hellonearth144. I wish there would be something I could do. I wish I could say that it will get better. But for people like us.. It's like looking for the needle..

 

[slowlydying2mrrw]

So I had a friend whom I consider my soulmate, we were close and I told her everything. I shared everything with her. She was the first person ever who accepted me fully and I'm a unique person who didn't find a friend in 25 years of my life. She was my only source of comfort. We got along really well and I will never feel the amount of love I felt for her, for anyone else. We are both women and it was a platonic connection but I love her. The amount of feelings I have for her can't be replicated. I have lost gold and diamonds. Nobody will ever accept me as she did, bc of how weird and unique and dark and blackpilled I am, I have searched for years even the only.communities online who accept my full self are tiny as fuck and constantly disappear and are hated.
My current friend doesn't give me the desired amount of interaction and ghosts me all the time. Which I can't complain about to her bc I am scared of conflict and falling out and being left alone. Alone I can't be fully myself. I know now after last year that being with a friend is better.

I'm not judging or diagnosing but maybe consider the possibility you could be dealing with Borderline personality disorder? It's a very common experience to feel this way with BPD, but it doesn't have to skew who you are and what this person means to you. I understand what you're going through and it's very tough.... It's excruciatingly painful. :(

 

[marksofdespair]

So I had a friend whom I consider my soulmate, we were close and I told her everything. I shared everything with her. She was the first person ever who accepted me fully and I'm a unique person who didn't find a friend in 25 years of my life. She was my only source of comfort. We got along really well and I will never feel the amount of love I felt for her, for anyone else. We are both women and it was a platonic connection but I love her. The amount of feelings I have for her can't be replicated. I have lost gold and diamonds. Nobody will ever accept me as she did, bc of how weird and unique and dark and blackpilled I am, I have searched for years even the only.communities online who accept my full self are tiny as fuck and constantly disappear and are hated.
My current friend doesn't give me the desired amount of interaction and ghosts me all the time. Which I can't complain about to her bc I am scared of conflict and falling out and being left alone. Alone I can't be fully myself. I know now after last year that being with a friend is better.

I did too. Nobody has ever understood me, cared for me, and loved me like she did. I don't even want to live because I can't believe I lost someone so perfect. I fell in love with her, everything about her, and I will never forgive myself for losing her, I just feel like I deserve to die. Everything you said is extremely relatable, like I am so strange and deranged I feel like such a niche person so it's not easy to make friends with others, and I will never ever meet anyone like her that accepted me. It breaks my heart every day that I had a relationship so beautiful and it's gone. Nobody wil ever replace her or be like her it doesn't matter. I don't want to be friends with anyone else because they are nothing like her. Life really fucking sucks.

 

[TragedyWillFindUs]

Hey there,

Just wanted to drop by and say that I feel your pain and I can relate with it so much. I'm in the exact same situation as you are... Found a person who understands me completely, we've developed a strong relationship and bonded like we've known each other for decades, I fell in love with her, we stopped staying in touch because my feelings made things complicated. She has a bf for years and is absolutely not into girls... I need to accept that even though she means the world to me. So yeah.... Kinda the same situation minus the ghosting part since we both decided that it's better to part ways.

I'm super new to SaSu but if you need soneone to talk, reach out.

 

[OliverGarden]

I fundamentally fucked up with my soulmate a couple days ago and forever changed our relationship. He was so, so important to me, and I basically ruined it. I feel like a monster. It's got me to finally feel strong enough to start planning. I'm usually a pretty strong boy but I know nobody will ever get me like he did. Not like this.

 

[hellonearth144]

Hey there,

Just wanted to drop by and say that I feel your pain and I can relate with it so much. I'm in the exact same situation as you are... Found a person who understands me completely, we've developed a strong relationship and bonded like we've known each other for decades, I fell in love with her, we stopped staying in touch because my feelings made things complicated. She has a bf for years and is absolutely not into girls... I need to accept that even though she means the world to me. So yeah.... Kinda the same situation minus the ghosting part since we both decided that it's better to part ways.

I'm super new to SaSu but if you need soneone to talk, reach out.

I cant message you, do u have discord?

 

[TragedyWillFindUs]

I cant message you, do u have discord?

Yeah it's probably because I'm very new to the platform. So the dm functionality is disabled until I posted more. Discord would be an option but I'd like to keep things private. Buuuut let me create a new account with this handle. You can try to add me then.

It's the same username as here (all lowercase because... Discord)