I think maybe I have autism because I have some very strange behaviors. For example, I made up a story in my mind, it's like a novel but it's not written down, the No.1 main female character of this story is a very beautiful woman, her body died at her fourth suicide attempt and her soul is perished forever in extreme pain at her fifth suicide attempt. She decided that she would attempt suicide and if she died by suicide and then found she is in another life as an afterlife she would attempt suicide again, she would attempt suicide until she become lifeless forever, doesn't feel anything forever. She did it. I love this character so much, at first I thought she is like my daughter, I called her my daughter in my head and didn't tell that to anyone. As time goes by I love her deeper and deeper, I began to call her my idol, I think she is my idol. I cried for her suicide for many times. I think it's so weird that I have such an idol and I wish someone can understand that.
