Venting i need to die asap

[nemesis_]

i can't do this anymore. i just can't. i'm only around because i don't have a good method. but fuck it. people have ctb'd all sorts of ways. i guess i have to risk it. my method is partial using either a belt or bedsheet or any ligature i have that can hold my weight and closing my window on it. i could actually do full from my window since it's high enough but i'm scared the ligature won't hold or that the window frame will come off its hinges or something. i can't live on like this. my brain's fried and i'm ugly as shit. i'm just useless garbage.

i wish i could at least fulfill my dream of moving countries but i'm broke and incompetent. i'm probably autistic and i have severe social anxiety; moving is such a daunting task to me cause of all the confusing paperwork and stuff. so i gotta let that dream die, just like every other dream i've ever had.