Help I need help with the logistics of using a "big iron"

[birthdayboy]

Hi, It's been a long time since I've been here. To be honest, I got extremely overwhelmed with how complicated every method seemed to be. Life hasn't improved, and I think I've finally settled on a way. In fact, I don't really think there's any other way for me to CTB, practically speaking.

I've been hospitalized in the past, but it's been a long time now, and in my US state I'm almost 100% sure I can simply go buy myself a "big iron" (I don't remember if there's an acronym for this or if it's okay to just say it, but you know what I mean). I honestly think 9 mm with hollows would be enough without any problem, but I might go a little bit bigger. I just don't want to arouse suspicion, just be like "hey I need this for personal protection" but in my state it probably won't be questioned at all.

I also used to shoot at targets as a hobby a long time ago, and I have a good grasp on exactly how to aim, etc. so that's no problem.

So here's the only thing holding me back. This method, while effective, would certainly traumatize anyone who finds me. I'll admit I've seen videos online, and it's ugly and messy. The obvious first consideration is to make sure it's not my family who does, and check, that part's easy. Just go out on some trail or something in the woods. I can do that easily. I even have a annual state park sticker, so I can drive right in and walk the trail.

But the next consideration is everyone else besides my family. What about the park ranger? I mean, what if a child should find me? I've been stuck in a loop on this for so long. I don't want the last think I give to the world to be trauma. The main reason I want to CTB is because of how ceaselessly cruel life is. Which might sound like a small reason or non-reason, but I think if I explained about me you'd agree, so let's just assume this is the best choice, because I truly believe it is, and I've sat on this now for years, so it's not like, impulsive or anything like that. So if I can somehow prevent causing trauma, that's an aspect that would really be important to me.

I know there's probably no possible way to entirely eliminate such possibilities, and I'm a little bit scared to post here now because it's been so long and I hope I haven't stepped on any toes or broken any rules. And I'm not asking for advice on method -- I've got that part figured out. What I would like help with is minimizing the potential for trauma. I don't want to hurt others on my way out. Does anyone have any input / has thought about this before?

 

[avalokitesvara]

I've thought about this as would also prefer to go outside. An idea was to leave my phone in my car somewhere not too far from the location. Schedule an email around 10 hours out from the time of committing to the police department alerting them to my suicide and location of my vehicle and giving an indication of how to find the corpse. Perhaps a whatthreewords location. If the act happens in the middle of the night and the email goes out at 7am that gives enough time to prevent being saved, but hopefully would limit the opportunity for a rando to discover the body. It doesn't completely eliminate that possibility. I feel OK with cops being the one to discover it as that's what they've signed up and trained for, plus they've probably seen worse.

 

[birthdayboy]

S

I've thought about this as would also prefer to go outside. An idea was to leave my phone in my car somewhere not too far from the location. Schedule an email around 10 hours out from the time of committing to the police department alerting them to my suicide and location of my vehicle and giving an indication of how to find the corpse. Perhaps a whatthreewords location. If the act happens in the middle of the night and the email goes out at 7am that gives enough time to prevent being saved, but hopefully would limit the opportunity for a rando to discover the body. It doesn't completely eliminate that possibility. I feel OK with cops being the one to discover it as that's what they've signed up and trained for, plus they've probably seen worse.

Scheduling an email seems like a great idea, and I agree it would be best for the police to address it. Obviously, I'd prefer if no one ever found me, but obviously that's not realistic. I also like the idea of it being the middle of the night when few if any people would be around. The parks are even closed at that time, so I could park in an approach somewhere and then walk somewhere off the trail, but I might want to have my phone on me so the police can locate me. The only problem it might create is if someone spotted me walking and then with a piece on me I'd probably be detained which would ruin the plan.

 

[avalokitesvara]

You're like me, wanting to never be found. It's a nice idea, but as you care about your family it's not something to aim for. Having a loved one become a missing person is in some ways worse than them dying because there's no closure and the grief process can't properly occur. It's also logistically a nightmare.

 

[birthdayboy]

You're like me, wanting to never be found. It's a nice idea, but as you care about your family it's not something to aim for. Having a loved one become a missing person is in some ways worse than them dying because there's no closure and the grief process can't properly occur. It's also logistically a nightmare.

Thank you for mentioning this. It's a very good point. Now that I think of it, it would be harder for them if I just went missing. I guess there's really no way not to cause pain in some way, but at least not having them find me would be a great help. I doubt anyone would be too surprised either, and maybe they'd even come to realize it was in my best interests. At least, I'd like to think so.

 

[Zardoz]

Hi, It's been a long time since I've been here. To be honest, I got extremely overwhelmed with how complicated every method seemed to be. Life hasn't improved, and I think I've finally settled on a way. In fact, I don't really think there's any other way for me to CTB, practically speaking.

I've been hospitalized in the past, but it's been a long time now, and in my US state I'm almost 100% sure I can simply go buy myself a "big iron" (I don't remember if there's an acronym for this or if it's okay to just say it, but you know what I mean). I honestly think 9 mm with hollows would be enough without any problem, but I might go a little bit bigger. I just don't want to arouse suspicion, just be like "hey I need this for personal protection" but in my state it probably won't be questioned at all.

I also used to shoot at targets as a hobby a long time ago, and I have a good grasp on exactly how to aim, etc. so that's no problem.

So here's the only thing holding me back. This method, while effective, would certainly traumatize anyone who finds me. I'll admit I've seen videos online, and it's ugly and messy. The obvious first consideration is to make sure it's not my family who does, and check, that part's easy. Just go out on some trail or something in the woods. I can do that easily. I even have a annual state park sticker, so I can drive right in and walk the trail.

But the next consideration is everyone else besides my family. What about the park ranger? I mean, what if a child should find me? I've been stuck in a loop on this for so long. I don't want the last think I give to the world to be trauma. The main reason I want to CTB is because of how ceaselessly cruel life is. Which might sound like a small reason or non-reason, but I think if I explained about me you'd agree, so let's just assume this is the best choice, because I truly believe it is, and I've sat on this now for years, so it's not like, impulsive or anything like that. So if I can somehow prevent causing trauma, that's an aspect that would really be important to me.

I know there's probably no possible way to entirely eliminate such possibilities, and I'm a little bit scared to post here now because it's been so long and I hope I haven't stepped on any toes or broken any rules. And I'm not asking for advice on method -- I've got that part figured out. What I would like help with is minimizing the potential for trauma. I don't want to hurt others on my way out. Does anyone have any input / has thought about this before?

Traumatizing innocents bugs me too.
For me (I'm not suggesting/advising anything) wanting to avoid this I think I've settled on choosing a venue where it is not uncommon, such as a hotel(/motel), and putting a note on an internal door if possible to try and prevent innocent cleaners/staff from stumbling upon me. And if at a hotel then booking an extra day and sending a delayed email to someone to say call the police and send to the hotel I'm at. Or if at home doing same delayed emails (otherwise I won't be found at all until rotting corpse becomes an issue lol).
I guess a loud gunshot would throw all that out (I'm using SN). But a hotel/motel probably someone would call the police rather than just open the door to see what was going on? Outside/woods, yes always a risk someone may stumble upon us, Idk, no vast outdoor spaces within easy reach for me, and I don't like the idea of the wildlife having a munch on my soft bits.