Venting I Miss Her

[CynicalCyanide]

It has been 4 months since the break up. It still feels like dat one. I think about her everyday and all day long. She had to move on because of her own problems, which I understand, but on the other hand, I can't understand because it felt like we were perfectly fit together. She was the most beautiful human being (not that that matters) and her character made me feels like I was in love with an angel. For some reasons she liked my ugly ass for who I was.

It hurts to know she is moving on while I rot away being back to being suicidal as hell. One of the things I struggle with is that I dont really have a connection with anyone. I have friends and family. I even have close friend whom I can have deel conversations with and who went through their own dark times as well, but still I cant seem to fully allow them to get close or even if I do one time, the next time I meet them it feels like it has been faded away. With my ex I could be myself. Well not really, since I was afraid to push her away with my insecurities and other emotional problems, but at least I could show myself more to her, and felt a genuine connection. Now that were no longer together its back. The depression and loneliness. I dont want to be so dependent on one person, but I also cant seem to connect with people. I hate myself for it and I just wanna die. Everywhere I go socially, I feel like an outcast, even in my own family or group of friends.

How does one live happily without emotionally bonding with other people? Death seems like the only way out of my loneliness.

 

[telemark05]

It has been 4 months since the break up. It still feels like dat one. I think about her everyday and all day long. She had to move on because of her own problems, which I understand, but on the other hand, I can't understand because it felt like we were perfectly fit together. She was the most beautiful human being (not that that matters) and her character made me feels like I was in love with an angel. For some reasons she liked my ugly ass for who I was.

It hurts to know she is moving on while I rot away being back to being suicidal as hell. One of the things I struggle with is that I dont really have a connection with anyone. I have friends and family. I even have close friend whom I can have deel conversations with and who went through their own dark times as well, but still I cant seem to fully allow them to get close or even if I do one time, the next time I meet them it feels like it has been faded away. With my ex I could be myself. Well not really, since I was afraid to push her away with my insecurities and other emotional problems, but at least I could show myself more to her, and felt a genuine connection. Now that were no longer together its back. The depression and loneliness. I dont want to be so dependent on one person, but I also cant seem to connect with people. I hate myself for it and I just wanna die. Everywhere I go socially, I feel like an outcast, even in my own family or group of friends.

How does one live happily without emotionally bonding with other people? Death seems like the only way out of my loneliness.

Black - Pearl Jam

 

[sickgirlzis]

i definitely relate to how you feel. i've always felt the most comfortable with people i fall in love with, and when they leave, i often didn't know what to do with myself. ive realized that you have to find ways to enjoy yourself all on your own. finding happiness only when you have someone to rely on can turn disastrous. find something you like to do. maybe set a goal, it can even be something small, it doesn't have to be 'important.' maybe write down how you're feeling, and you can keep it, or scribble over it, destroy it, burn it, whatever you feel like. just be honest with yourself. if you can't enjoy yourself in your lonesome, you won't have the correct skills when you enter a relationship again. you're more than the people around you.

 

[encore]

i hope you can find peace, whatever that would mean.

 

[ketamoeba]

are u trying to break this poor dudes heart even more xD

Black - Pearl Jam

seriously though, this song when i was going through a breakup destroyed me. this bit specifically still can make me sob on command

' i know some day you'll have a beautiful life. i know you'll be a star. in somebody else's sky, but why why can't it be mine'

 

[telemark05]

are u trying to break this poor dudes heart even more xD

seriously though, this song when i was going through a breakup destroyed me. this bit specifically still can make me sob on command

' i know some day you'll have a beautiful life. i know you'll be a star. in somebody else's sky, but why why can't it be

Lmao it destroyed me but it was good to let it all out yk. I feel like it helped me

 

[Imeavie]

seriously though, this song when i was going through a breakup destroyed me. this bit specifically still can make me sob on command

' i know some day you'll have a beautiful life. i know you'll be a star. in somebody else's sky, but why why can't it be mine'

Well now its going to destroy me in mine.
Throwing another song in the shower playlist like shoveling coal into the train of sorrow.

Seriously though, thanks for sharing that.

CynicalCyanide, as someone going through similar, I hope things improve for you. I know its hard, and Im sorry to hear youre going through this.