I miss feeling seen, feeling like someone who matters and still exists

[littleearthquakes]

I miss the rare few people the last few years who have made me feel like I'm still a human being who exists and has value and that I can make someone a little happy or less lonely.

I'm only words on a screen now and keep getting more and more limited by my severe disabilities and chronic pain. I wish I could find that kind of connection again but somehow each got ruined either by them or me or both of us.

Even if they fell apart and ultimately I wasn't enough or it didn't work I just want to feel like I'm still a person and I hate being so alone. I want to be valued but I know I can't be what most people want and somehow I mess it up even when it does work.

I don't know the point of this exactly. It's just really awful and isolating to be so sick and homebound and have my life closing in on me and then losing the rare connections I do make and missing those people for months or years scared I'll never have it again because it was so hard to find and I don't know how much longer I can even connect in that way.

I wish I could have it back. I've lost so much already and losing that last bit of connection is too much. It makes it harder to justify holding on. Those things give me something to hang onto. Maybe someone here can understand. I don't know how to keep doing this and losing everything and everyone.

 

[LighthouseHermit]

Loneliness is a terrible thing. In the beginning, it gnaws inside you, then it starts to mentally destroying you, and ultimately, it starts to physically hurt.

I'm so sorry you are so lonely. Wish I could take it away for you.

 

[58Alice85]

I wish i had felt a connection with someone in this life
this life was boring
maybe death will be entertaining

 

[Dejected 55]

I've never had it to miss... I miss it anyway... but without even the memory of it, just having to imagine what it might be like.