I made a plan, but it’s hard to wait

[burninghill]

I made a plan to kill myself at the end of April. Do my big birthday trip and be done with myself, but every day gets harder. I don't want to do any of this bullshit.

Everything feels so pointless. I'm going to an art exhibition next week but.. why? Usually when I go to exhibitions it's to fuel my own practice but it all just feels so meaningless. Why waste my time

I'm just tired. I want to die. I tried counselling last week but he was an asshole. Spoke about how my alternative style probably means that my self-destructive behaviour is a means of creating some kind of… edgy persona. A performance. I don't even know why I went. I felt embarrassed and misunderstood

 

[hurb]

what method are u going to try? if its smthg like hanging u can always try how its going to feel. usually that would scare the shit out of u and will allow u to wait a bit longer

 

[burninghill]

what method are u going to try? if its smthg like hanging u can always try how its going to feel. usually that would scare the shit out of u and will allow u to wait a bit longer

I'm going by train, my last attempt was November 1st, I used to go to the tracks every week before and for a few weeks after. That might be a good idea, see how I feel.

 

[Abyss Dweller]

I'm really sorry the counselling went like that. It should be a place where you can be honest without any judgement.

I hope you reconsider your plan and not do it. May I ask what drove you to this point? It seems you have a passion for art, isn't that something worth sticking around?