I lost all of my friends because of a mental breakdown

[tipoftheRGB]

My problems aren't as bad as a lot of other peoples here but I still want to talk about them anyway so here I go:

I had a mental breakdown at the age of 26 that went on for years. At 26 - 27, I still had all my friends, a place I felt welcome in and hope. Now at 28, almost 29, I have lost all of my friends. My friends turned their back on me and I was originally planning to move to the small city they live in but now I don't feel welcome there anymore so I don't know where to go now. I am long term unemployed because of the breakdown. I am single and have never had a relationship and I'm terrified of and don't know how to have sex. I used to be attractive but I've aged so badly and I look awful and older than my age now and as a woman, I know I am fucked when it comes to finding a partner and having a family.

I haven't felt suicidal for 2 days now even though I consistently have for the past 9 months (maybe I am getting better?). And now I am considering staying alive, I feel winded and horrified because before this breakdown began, I had a circle of friends, more friends on top of that and a city I could move to where I would feel welcome. But over the years, they all turned their back on me during the darkest point in my life and I feel betrayed and completely alone in the world. I feel lonely and terrified especially when it seems like everyone already has their preformed friendship groups, social circles and partners and I missed my chance to find any of that. I'm also hurt that my friends left me when I needed them the most. Like if they weren't there when I needed them, is there anyone who would be? Are all human relationships really so transactional that when you stop providing value, you get left behind? I am making this post because I am shaken to the bone by how alone in the world I am despite having a good social circle and a full social life in the not too distant past.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Oh, darling, it's such a shame people can't look past the superficial stuff...you seem like an awesome person that is worth every second of interaction. It's sad you lost so much of your social circle, but you deserve better than self-serving people. You deserve real friends, ones that will stand by you. Ones that will not be away just because you had some problems. REAL friends.

Mama bear can be a real friend, if you want. Mama can be many things, and all you have to do is accept her. I'll always be waiting for you to call me and I will be delighted to give you the attention you deserve. *hugs and kisses* You're my honey pot, just like everyone else here, okay?

 

[whywere]

You ARE a VERY good friend to me, and you always will be.

In the past, especially like at a dentist, I would be honest and tell them, and the reaction was HORRIBLE! It was if I had some instant death virus that I could give others, just so NARROW MINDED.

I have all my 6 plus decades on this planet had to deal with small, minded IDIOTS.

BUT you are here now with so many family members who love and care about you, like I do.

You are such a caring and loving soul, as your post speaks volumes on just what a wonderful person you are.

I learned this back in the 1970's of NOT letting the turkeys get one down and you are now with family here and I care about you so much and you always have a great friend in me, as we are ALL the same and we are ALL together as a global family here.

Yep, through the decades I have had folks "look down" at me, but guess what? They are still in their own cesspool of narrowmindedness, and I have spread my wings and have flown and done very well and so will you.

I 100% believe in YOU and you WILL be fantastic!

Lots of love, hugs, well wishes and bright blue sunny skies my great friend.

Walter

 

[tipoftheRGB]

Oh, darling, it's such a shame people can't look past the superficial stuff...you seem like an awesome person that is worth every second of interaction. It's sad you lost so much of your social circle, but you deserve better than self-serving people. You deserve real friends, ones that will stand by you. Ones that will not be away just because you had some problems. Real friends.

Mama bear can be a real friend, if you want. Mama can be many things, and all you have to do is accept her. I'll always be waiting for you to call me and I will be delighted to give you the attention you deserve. *hugs and kisses* You're my honey pot, just like everyone else here, okay?

Thank you :( honestly, they were there for the first year or so but from the 2 year mark, they turned their backs on me. On the one hand, I almost get it like 2.5 years is a long time to disappear for. But on the other hand, I don't think I would give up on someone who was unemployed, isolated and mentally ill. I think it was the length of time that ruined it. But it almost feels like they all sat in a room together and decided they didn't like me anymore like they went from being warm and responsive to cold and uninterested so fast. I'm trying to put myself in their shoes though like 2.5 years is such a long time...I get it but I'm sad. And now I don't know where to move like that city is tiny and I don't feel welcome there anymore.

Lol I'm loving the contrast between the description of Mama bear and your username XD yes be my friend Mama bear.

You ARE a VERY good friend to me, and you always will be.

In the past, especially like at a dentist, I would be honest and tell them, and the reaction was HORRIBLE! It was if I had some instant death virus that I could give others, just so NARROW MINDED.

I have all my 6 plus decades on this planet had to deal with small, minded IDIOTS.

BUT you are here now with so many family members who love and care about you, like I do.

You are such a caring and loving soul, as your post speaks volumes on just what a wonderful person you are.

I learned this back in the 1970's of NOT letting the turkeys get one down and you are now with family here and I care about you so much and you always have a great friend in me, as we are ALL the same and we are ALL together as a global family here.

Yep, through the decades I have had folks "look down" at me, but guess what? They are still in their own cesspool of narrowmindedness, and I have spread my wings and have flown and done very well and so will you.

I 100% believe in YOU and you WILL be fantastic!

Lots of love, hugs, well wishes and bright blue sunny skies my great friend.

Walter

Thank you Walter :( you are my friend too.

I know what you mean. I have found that people don't believe me when I tell them. They think I'm making it up. Yeah sure...I was unemployed for 3 years for fun...sure. Its mad because some things are accepted now like people seem to accept certain disorders like ADHD and autism now but there are other things that people don't believe or don't care about. And I imagine it was so much worse with the stigma back when you were younger.

I guess we in this community have seen a side to life that many others haven't which means we understand the world a bit better in some ways.

Thank you so much. And hugs and well wishes to you too friend.

Clara

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Thank you :( honestly, they were there for the first year or so but from the 2 year mark, they turned their backs on me. On the one hand, I almost get it like 2.5 years is a long time to disappear for. But on the other hand, I don't think I would give up on someone who was unemployed, isolated and mentally ill. I think it was the length of time that ruined it. But it almost feels like they all sat in a room together and decided they didn't like me anymore like they went from being warm and responsive to cold and uninterested so fast. I'm trying to put myself in their shoes though like 2.5 years is such a long time...I get it but I'm sad. And now I don't know where to move like that city is tiny and I don't feel welcome there anymore.

Lol I'm loving the contrast between the description of Mama bear and your username XD yes be my friend Mama bear.

Wonderful, another cub for mama to care for! *hugs and kisses* You can count on me when you need to feel better about things.

I have no defense for your friends other than fear of not understanding you or your struggles, or maybe they having problems of their own. Even then, they should have been open and tell you the truth rather than ghost you. But we're not talking about them, we're talking about us, and we, and how we can help you feel less alone in spite of the problems you're going through, like real friends!

Being a mama is not about what you have between your legs, it's about your willingness to share comfort and love towards those needy dearies that really could use a hug from a mama. Anyone can be a mama, no matter what piece they got down there. *smiles*

 

[tipoftheRGB]

Wonderful, another cub for mama to care for! *hugs and kisses* You can count on me when you need to feel better about things.

I have no defense for your friends other than fear of not understanding you or your struggles, or maybe they having problems of their own. Even then, they should have been open and tell you the truth rather than ghost you. But we're not talking about them, we're talking about us, and we, and how we can help you feel less alone in spite of the problems you're going through, like real friends!

Being a mama is not about what you have between your legs, it's about your willingness to share comfort and love towards those needy dearies that really could use a hug from a mama. Anyone can be a mama, no matter what piece they got down there. *smiles*

Thank you :(

I think part of it is because I was always an unusual person like I was already known by most people as "crazy" just because I have a bit of a leftfield personality. I also had more, much smaller issues before the mental breakdown so I was always a bit all over the place. There were several friends I couldn't be 100% honest with initially because they can't keep secrets to save their lives. So when I told my friend I was having a mental breakdown, she didn't believe me. I owed her money at the time and she asked me for it so I went in to debt to pay her back and then after that, its like they all turned their backs on me. Like they are really cold to me now. I get it and I don't. I guess I just need to hurry up and choose a city to move to, hurry up and find a job and just try and start again from scratch. But I've heard its really hard to make new friends from late 20s onwards because people have basically formed their circles and settled down so I feel left behind, alone and regretful I didn't get my life together quick enough. I also miss them but feel betrayed at the same time. So I want to harass them until they take me back but I also feel betrayed and want them to come to me first because I feel like they should be the sorry ones. But I feel like they think I am in the wrong. And I'm sad that I had a place to move to that felt welcome and like home before whereas now I have to move to some city on my own and try and find people. Idk. It is what it is I guess.

Hahaha ok I will keep that in mind Mama bear <3

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Thank you :(

I think part of it is because I was always an unusual person like I was already known by most people as "crazy" just because I have a bit of a leftfield personality. I also had more, much smaller issues before the mental breakdown so I was always a bit all over the place. There were several friends I couldn't be 100% honest with initially because they can't keep secrets to save their lives. So when I told my friend I was having a mental breakdown, she didn't believe me. I owed her money at the time and she asked me for it so I went in to debt to pay her back and then after that, its like they all turned their backs on me. Like they are really cold to me now. I get it and I don't. I guess I just need to hurry up and choose a city to move to, hurry up and find a job and just try and start again from scratch. But I've heard its really hard to make new friends from late 20s onwards because people have basically formed their circles and settled down so I feel left behind, alone and regretful I didn't get my life together quick enough. I also miss them but feel betrayed at the same time. So I want to harass them until they take me back but I also feel betrayed and want them to come to me first because I feel like they should be the sorry ones. But I feel like they think I am in the wrong. And I'm sad that I had a place to move to that felt welcome and like home before whereas now I have to move to some city on my own and try and find people. Idk. It is what it is I guess.

Hahaha ok I will keep that in mind Mama bear <3

Honestly, I wouldn't go back to them. If anything, you're setting up for another abandonment after they deem you "unsuitable" for their friend circle, and start distancing again. Pull back, breathe, and stop thinking about them. Abandoning friends when they need is not something friendly people would do. I know your mind is going back to them, but try your best to distract yourself. If needed you can even "nag" me /ama bear to get you some pep talk and some comforting words. I love any attention I can get, and I love giving this comfort which is so much needed in times like these.

Mama bear is always available for you, honey. Don't think for a second I don't enjoy having someone need me. It's heaven when cubs come back in need of mama. I enjoy what I do, and what I do heals.

 

[sambrosia]

My problems aren't as bad as a lot of other peoples here but I still want to talk about them anyway so here I go:

I had a mental breakdown at the age of 26 that went on for years. At 26 - 27, I still had all my friends, a place I felt welcome in and hope. Now at 28, almost 29, I have lost all of my friends. My friends turned their back on me and I was originally planning to move to the small city they live in but now I don't feel welcome there anymore so I don't know where to go now. I am long term unemployed because of the breakdown. I am single and have never had a relationship and I'm terrified of and don't know how to have sex. I used to be attractive but I've aged so badly and I look awful and older than my age now and as a woman, I know I am fucked when it comes to finding a partner and having a family.

I haven't felt suicidal for 2 days now even though I consistently have for the past 9 months (maybe I am getting better?). And now I am considering staying alive, I feel winded and horrified because before this breakdown began, I had a circle of friends, more friends on top of that and a city I could move to where I would feel welcome. But over the years, they all turned their back on me during the darkest point in my life and I feel betrayed and completely alone in the world. I feel lonely and terrified especially when it seems like everyone already has their preformed friendship groups, social circles and partners and I missed my chance to find any of that. I'm also hurt that my friends left me when I needed them the most. Like if they weren't there when I needed them, is there anyone who would be? Are all human relationships really so transactional that when you stop providing value, you get left behind? I am making this post because I am shaken to the bone by how alone in the world I am despite having a good social circle and a full social life in the not too distant past.

My friends just dropped me because of a mental breakdown I had last year. I am very shaken too. I used to feel lonely a lot, but now it's different. My life really wasn't so bad before, I'm seeing, despite my spiraling mental health issues. I wish I could go back in time and do different. I didn't realize it could get this bad.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

My friends just dropped me because of a mental breakdown I had last year. I am very shaken too. I used to feel lonely a lot, but now it's different. My life really wasn't so bad before, I'm seeing, despite my spiraling mental health issues. I wish I could go back in time and do different. I didn't realize it could get this bad.

Same :( I'd give anything to go back to the beginning of my breakdown. Because ironically the things I had a mental breakdown about are nothing compared to the things my mental breakdown caused. You don't have to answer this but was wondering how old you are? Asking because you might be young enough to make a new start and turn it all around.

 

[sambrosia]

Same :( I'd give anything to go back to the beginning of my breakdown. Because ironically the things I had a mental breakdown about are nothing compared to the things my mental breakdown caused. You don't have to answer this but was wondering how old you are? Asking because you might be young enough to make a new start and turn it all around.

Haha, if only. I'm 30. :P I appreciate the sentiment though, that's sweet of you!

People older than me tell me I'm still young enough to fix things, sooo maybe there's hope for us?

And I agree SO hard with "the things I had a mental breakdown about are nothing compared to the things my mental breakdown caused." 100000% on target. God. I want to go back and shake myself and tell myself to snap out of it. One life lesson I learned is that no matter how bad it might seem, it can always get worse. Lmao. So the goal is to mitigate or prevent some of the getting worse-ness, going forward.

 

[enough of this]

I've lost VERY many friends and prospective friends due to my mental condition. It's not so much the condition, itself, but the way others judge what they see. Being on the autism spectrum, my behaviors and responses aren't like most other people's. And rather then being asked questions, or people even having an interest in what's really going on with me, they just conjecture something negative about me, and have no interest in really knowing me. I've been this way all my life, and I'm really tired of it.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

Haha, if only. I'm 30. :P I appreciate the sentiment though, that's sweet of you!

People older than me tell me I'm still young enough to fix things, sooo maybe there's hope for us?

And I agree SO hard with "the things I had a mental breakdown about are nothing compared to the things my mental breakdown caused." 100000% on target. God. I want to go back and shake myself and tell myself to snap out of it. One life lesson I learned is that no matter how bad it might seem, it can always get worse. Lmao. So the goal is to mitigate or prevent some of the getting worse-ness, going forward.

Omg so we are in the exact same boat. Tbh there is probably a LOT of us out there which is good because I have a fantasy that we can all find each other and rebuild. Although I am so dysfunctional and I hate myself so I want to seek the company of people more mentally stable and normal than me to ground me in reality. But I mean I guess we have to be the person we wish to see in the world and be the friend we wish we had etc.

Are you a man or a woman (or another gender lol)? Asking because it would be easier for a man to start from scratch at our age. I have a feeling you are a woman though.

Well thats a good sign? I never know whether people say there is hope because there is or because they are being nice.

Same!!! We are in exactly the same boat wow. I'm in so much pain, it doesn't help me to know that other people are in my shoes haha. But I really hope we both make it out of this.

I've lost VERY many friends and prospective friends due to my mental condition. It's not so much the condition, itself, but the way others judge what they see. Being on the autism spectrum, my behaviors and responses aren't like most other people's. And rather then being asked questions, or people even having an interest in what's really going on with me, they just conjecture something negative about me, and have no interest in really knowing me. I've been this way all my life, and I'm really tired of it.

I know how you feel. Although I lost all of my friends from my mental breakdown, before my mental breakdown I was known by most people as "mental" and "crazy" because I am different from people in some way. And I have spent a lot of my life being judged, laughed at, looked down on etc. A lot of people out there are cruel. A lot of people lack empathy. Many people follow the crowd. There aren't a lot of people who want to be around someone who is different from them. Autistic people have it hard. The only person I have ever personally known to commit suicide was autistic. Autistic people have lower life expectancy and higher rates of suicide. Same with people with ADHD and just general neurodivergent. And also LGBT+ people. Basically anyone who doesn't fit in to the box of what society says we should be. Society is broken and so much work needs to be done to fix it. Sometimes I wonder if its even possible to eliminate bigotry and hate from our species when its so ingrained within a lot of people.

Idk how old you are but I know this autistic woman who finally found her first group of friends her age when she was 29/30. So things can change when you meet the right person/people. I really hope that happens for you.

Edit: also greta thunberg is autistic and she is the hero of the earth rn. She gets a lot of hate from awful people but she will be remembered in history as the hero she is. Just thinking about her gives me hope for the world.

 

[sambrosia]

Omg so we are in the exact same boat. Tbh there is probably a LOT of us out there which is good because I have a fantasy that we can all find each other and rebuild. Although I am so dysfunctional and I hate myself so I want to seek the company of people more mentally stable and normal than me to ground me in reality. But I mean I guess we have to be the person we wish to see in the world and be the friend we wish we had etc.

Are you a man or a woman (or another gender lol)? Asking because it would be easier for a man to start from scratch at our age. I have a feeling you are a woman though.

Well thats a good sign? I never know whether people say there is hope because there is or because they are being nice.

Same!!! We are in exactly the same boat wow. I'm in so much pain, it doesn't help me to know that other people are in my shoes haha. But I really hope we both make it out of this.

Haha I've had that fantasy too. I even made a post here seeking friends in my area lol. I just think it would be nice to kick it with some fellow depressed folk who get it without me having to explain, idk. I am dysfunctional and hate myself too, but paradoxically am pretty good at talking to others about why they shouldn't do that. It's the weirdest thing— someone will be sad and I'll be like "awww, why?" Meanwhile I'm despondent everyday of my life. Lmao. I guess I should give myself some of that sympathy.

I'm a woman! You are too I guess? Huh, I never thought about if gender would make it easier for someone to start from scratch at this age.

Same re: dunno if people are hoping because it's real or they're being nice. But, I guess, it ain't over til it's over. "Where there's life, there's hope" is another one I heard. Corny but whatever. Me personally I think I've done some pretty permanent damage to myself, but eh. Probably there's still a way to fix things. I just hate that I'm living life on minimum mode if you know what I mean. I've been depressed, dysfunctional, suicidal my whole life, and meanwhile I see pieces of the real me glimmering beneath my depression, the me who's talented and smart, who loves dancing and writing, who could've contributed greatly to the world and been fulfilled, if I had pursued the things my depression didn't let me pursue. And I hate living with this wasted feeling, knowing I've squandered so much opportunity, knowing I never lived up to even a fraction of my potential, knowing I contributed negatively to the world. Sigh. Hate it here.

Agree to hoping we both make it out of this. My emotional pain atm is okay but I spent the last 1.5-2 years in horrible emotional pain. One catastrophe after another— lost a relationship, a job, got a court case… etc. Sigh. But yes how serendipitous to meet someone around my age who went through the same thing! I was kicking myself for having a mental breakdown at my age, and like you I'm not happy to hear others are in pain per se, but I feel less alone and less ashamed. There probably really are more of us, like you said.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

Haha I've had that fantasy too. I even made a post here seeking friends in my area lol. I just think it would be nice to kick it with some fellow depressed folk who get it without me having to explain, idk. I am dysfunctional and hate myself too, but paradoxically am pretty good at talking to others about why they shouldn't do that. It's the weirdest thing— someone will be sad and I'll be like "awww, why?" Meanwhile I'm despondent everyday of my life. Lmao. I guess I should give myself some of that sympathy.

I'm a woman! You are too I guess? Huh, I never thought about if gender would make it easier for someone to start from scratch at this age.

Same re: dunno if people are hoping because it's real or they're being nice. But, I guess, it ain't over til it's over. "Where there's life, there's hope" is another one I heard. Corny but whatever. Me personally I think I've done some pretty permanent damage to myself, but eh. Probably there's still a way to fix things. I just hate that I'm living life on minimum mode if you know what I mean. I've been depressed, dysfunctional, suicidal my whole life, and meanwhile I see pieces of the real me glimmering beneath my depression, the me who's talented and smart, who loves dancing and writing, who could've contributed greatly to the world and been fulfilled, if I had pursued the things my depression didn't let me pursue. And I hate living with this wasted feeling, knowing I've squandered so much opportunity, knowing I never lived up to even a fraction of my potential, knowing I contributed negatively to the world. Sigh. Hate it here.

Agree to hoping we both make it out of this. My emotional pain atm is okay but I spent the last 1.5-2 years in horrible emotional pain. One catastrophe after another— lost a relationship, a job, got a court case… etc. Sigh. But yes how serendipitous to meet someone around my age who went through the same thing! I was kicking myself for having a mental breakdown at my age, and like you I'm not happy to hear others are in pain per se, but I feel less alone and less ashamed. There probably really are more of us, like you said.

Oh I just checked and I can't see your profile because of Sasu rules. I live in the UK so if you live here, I'll hang out with you lol. You're right that it would be nice to chill with people who get it. I give good advice to people who can actually fix their lives. I wouldn't know how to give myself advice in my current situation though. Yeah you should treat yourself like a friend.

Yeah I'm a woman too. I would say that anyone can turn their career around at any age. In theory its possible to make close friends and build a community at older ages although much harder. Its easier for straight men to rebuild at our age than straight women because they have longer to find a partner to start a family with IF that is something you want. If you don't want kids or you are not straight, then I guess you are in the same position as a man. I wanted kids so I feel quite a lot of despair about how my love life has turned out. If I didn't want kids, I'd feel better about life although I'd still feel terrible.

Yeah in my more hopeful moods, I think there is no harm in at least trying to start from scratch again. Like what have we got to lose at this point? In theory, we might as well try. Same about the permanent damage. But again, in theory, most things are still possible to turn around at our age. The kids thing is probably the hardest thing at our age but everything else in theory could be picked up and fixed. I have also been depressed, dysfunctional and passively suicidal for large parts of my life and that plus other issues have completely ruined a lot of things for me- mostly friendships and love life. But I have only been actively suicidal for the past 9 months.

Dancing, writing and contributing to the world? You absolutely can still do those things. There is no time limit on most career stuff and contributing to the world. Sameeee!!! I feel like the lyrics to the song Time by Pink Floyd describes this feeling so well if you know that song? Roger Waters literally wrote it when he was around our age as well. Also This Time by the Verve and If You're Thinking Of Me by Dodgy sum up that feeling of the pain of regret. Hopefully what we are going through is very normal and a lot of people experience it.

Same I had a 2.5 year mental breakdown but the last 9 months have been hell on earth for me. I'm sorry about your relationship. How long was it? Did you lose them because of the breakdown? If so, do you think you could get them back? I lost my job too. But we can definitely get new jobs so thats not too big a problem. Oh wow a court case? I'm sorry about that. Yeah that is a massive coincidence. I've met one other person whos had a mental breakdown before and she lost her job and her best friend but she is engaged to get married to her partner and then she got another job and still has other friends so she didn't lose EVERYTHING. Our situations are quite harrowing. To deal with shame, I recommend reading the book Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig. It definitely made me feel better about having a breakdown and how other people have percieved it. I do think there are a lot of us out there though.

Edit: also cliche but I recommend you see a GOOD therapist if/when you can get one. Like a therapist with a lot of experience, good qualifications and who doesn't just jump to label you with a bunch of mental disorders but actually seeks to understand your unique situation and help you in a therapeutic way.

 

[enough of this]

Omg so we are in the exact same boat. Tbh there is probably a LOT of us out there which is good because I have a fantasy that we can all find each other and rebuild. Although I am so dysfunctional and I hate myself so I want to seek the company of people more mentally stable and normal than me to ground me in reality. But I mean I guess we have to be the person we wish to see in the world and be the friend we wish we had etc.

Are you a man or a woman (or another gender lol)? Asking because it would be easier for a man to start from scratch at our age. I have a feeling you are a woman though.

Well thats a good sign? I never know whether people say there is hope because there is or because they are being nice.

Same!!! We are in exactly the same boat wow. I'm in so much pain, it doesn't help me to know that other people are in my shoes haha. But I really hope we both make it out of this.

I know how you feel. Although I lost all of my friends from my mental breakdown, before my mental breakdown I was known by most people as "mental" and "crazy" because I am different from people in some way. And I have spent a lot of my life being judged, laughed at, looked down on etc. A lot of people out there are cruel. A lot of people lack empathy. Many people follow the crowd. There aren't a lot of people who want to be around someone who is different from them. Autistic people have it hard. The only person I have ever personally known to commit suicide was autistic. Autistic people have lower life expectancy and higher rates of suicide. Same with people with ADHD and just general neurodivergent. And also LGBT+ people. Basically anyone who doesn't fit in to the box of what society says we should be. Society is broken and so much work needs to be done to fix it. Sometimes I wonder if its even possible to eliminate bigotry and hate from our species when its so ingrained within a lot of people.

Idk how old you are but I know this autistic woman who finally found her first group of friends her age when she was 29/30. So things can change when you meet the right person/people. I really hope that happens for you.

Edit: also greta thunberg is autistic and she is the hero of the earth rn. She gets a lot of hate from awful people but she will be remembered in history as the hero she is. Just thinking about her gives me hope for the world.

Thank you for hoping things will change for me when I meet the right person. It's really getting a little late for that. I'll be 76 in a few weeks, and I'm thinking, if I haven't met her by now, it's not going to happen.

 

[sambrosia]

Oh I just checked and I can't see your profile because of Sasu rules. I live in the UK so if you live here, I'll hang out with you lol. You're right that it would be nice to chill with people who get it. I give good advice to people who can actually fix their lives. I wouldn't know how to give myself advice in my current situation though. Yeah you should treat yourself like a friend.

Yeah I'm a woman too. I would say that anyone can turn their career around at any age. In theory its possible to make close friends and build a community at older ages although much harder. Its easier for straight men to rebuild at our age than straight women because they have longer to find a partner to start a family with IF that is something you want. If you don't want kids or you are not straight, then I guess you are in the same position as a man. I wanted kids so I feel quite a lot of despair about how my love life has turned out. If I didn't want kids, I'd feel better about life although I'd still feel terrible.

Yeah in my more hopeful moods, I think there is no harm in at least trying to start from scratch again. Like what have we got to lose at this point? In theory, we might as well try. Same about the permanent damage. But again, in theory, most things are still possible to turn around at our age. The kids thing is probably the hardest thing at our age but everything else in theory could be picked up and fixed. I have also been depressed, dysfunctional and passively suicidal for large parts of my life and that plus other issues have completely ruined a lot of things for me- mostly friendships and love life. But I have only been actively suicidal for the past 9 months.

Dancing, writing and contributing to the world? You absolutely can still do those things. There is no time limit on most career stuff and contributing to the world. Sameeee!!! I feel like the lyrics to the song Time by Pink Floyd describes this feeling so well if you know that song? Roger Waters literally wrote it when he was around our age as well. Also This Time by the Verve and If You're Thinking Of Me by Dodgy sum up that feeling of the pain of regret. Hopefully what we are going through is very normal and a lot of people experience it.

Same I had a 2.5 year mental breakdown but the last 9 months have been hell on earth for me. I'm sorry about your relationship. How long was it? Did you lose them because of the breakdown? If so, do you think you could get them back? I lost my job too. But we can definitely get new jobs so thats not too big a problem. Oh wow a court case? I'm sorry about that. Yeah that is a massive coincidence. I've met one other person whos had a mental breakdown before and she lost her job and her best friend but she is engaged to get married to her partner and then she got another job and still has other friends so she didn't lose EVERYTHING. Our situations are quite harrowing. To deal with shame, I recommend reading the book Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig. It definitely made me feel better about having a breakdown and how other people have percieved it. I do think there are a lot of us out there though.

Edit: also cliche but I recommend you see a GOOD therapist if/when you can get one. Like a therapist with a lot of experience, good qualifications and who doesn't just jump to label you with a bunch of mental disorders but actually seeks to understand your unique situation and help you in a therapeutic way.

Shoot, I'm in the US, but I would've loved to hang out! We seem to have a few things in common (not just the mental breakdown lmaooo). Thank you for the words! I love Pink Floyd and I didn't know he was 30 when he wrote that song, I'll check out the lyrics. I'll write a more thoughtful response tomorrow, I'm running off to bed cuz it's 2:33 AM here. Glad we could chat tonight.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

Thank you for hoping things will change for me when I meet the right person. It's really getting a little late for that. I'll be 76 in a few weeks, and I'm thinking, if I haven't met her by now, it's not going to happen.

Just discussed this saying with another user here but where there is life, there is hope. I wonder if there is a meetup.com group or some hobby groups you could join for people in your age group? Or a meetup.com group specifically for autistic people? Maybe you could start one? I feel like a meetup.com group for autistic people aged 50+ or 60+ would be the perfect way to meet someone. There are also apps and websites you can use. If you are looking for a partner, maybe you could try eharmony. I know a woman who met someone on eharmony in her 60s. You never know. I really hope you find someone/some people though.

Shoot, I'm in the US, but I would've loved to hang out! We seem to have a few things in common (not just the mental breakdown lmaooo). Thank you for the words! I love Pink Floyd and I didn't know he was 30 when he wrote that song, I'll check out the lyrics. I'll write a more thoughtful response tomorrow, I'm running off to bed cuz it's 2:33 AM here. Glad we could chat tonight.

Damn itttttt. You lot are always from the US lol. We really do! Yessss a fellow Pink Floyd fan. Honestly that songs lyrics sum up exactly how I feel rn. And also just some of the things Roger Waters has said about his life generally are so relatable. Ok sleep well! Its 7.30am here and I stayed up through the night because I am unemployed and my house is too noisy in the day so I have to stay up through the night to focus on anything, what has my life become lol. Great to talk to you.

 

[sambrosia]

Damn itttttt. You lot are always from the US lol. We really do! Yessss a fellow Pink Floyd fan. Honestly that songs lyrics sum up exactly how I feel rn. And also just some of the things Roger Waters has said about his life generally are so relatable. Ok sleep well! Its 7.30am here and I stayed up through the night because I am unemployed and my house is too noisy in the day so I have to stay up through the night to focus on anything, what has my life become lol. Great to talk to you.

lol I used to do this too. It's also the reason I stay up way later than I should rn despite having a job. Night is the only time I feel calm. My house is quiet (it's just me in a small apartment) but the business of the day just unsettles me.

Oh I just checked and I can't see your profile because of Sasu rules. I live in the UK so if you live here, I'll hang out with you lol. You're right that it would be nice to chill with people who get it. I give good advice to people who can actually fix their lives. I wouldn't know how to give myself advice in my current situation though. Yeah you should treat yourself like a friend.

Yeah I'm a woman too. I would say that anyone can turn their career around at any age. In theory its possible to make close friends and build a community at older ages although much harder. Its easier for straight men to rebuild at our age than straight women because they have longer to find a partner to start a family with IF that is something you want. If you don't want kids or you are not straight, then I guess you are in the same position as a man. I wanted kids so I feel quite a lot of despair about how my love life has turned out. If I didn't want kids, I'd feel better about life although I'd still feel terrible.

Yeah in my more hopeful moods, I think there is no harm in at least trying to start from scratch again. Like what have we got to lose at this point? In theory, we might as well try. Same about the permanent damage. But again, in theory, most things are still possible to turn around at our age. The kids thing is probably the hardest thing at our age but everything else in theory could be picked up and fixed. I have also been depressed, dysfunctional and passively suicidal for large parts of my life and that plus other issues have completely ruined a lot of things for me- mostly friendships and love life. But I have only been actively suicidal for the past 9 months.

Dancing, writing and contributing to the world? You absolutely can still do those things. There is no time limit on most career stuff and contributing to the world. Sameeee!!! I feel like the lyrics to the song Time by Pink Floyd describes this feeling so well if you know that song? Roger Waters literally wrote it when he was around our age as well. Also This Time by the Verve and If You're Thinking Of Me by Dodgy sum up that feeling of the pain of regret. Hopefully what we are going through is very normal and a lot of people experience it.

Same I had a 2.5 year mental breakdown but the last 9 months have been hell on earth for me. I'm sorry about your relationship. How long was it? Did you lose them because of the breakdown? If so, do you think you could get them back? I lost my job too. But we can definitely get new jobs so thats not too big a problem. Oh wow a court case? I'm sorry about that. Yeah that is a massive coincidence. I've met one other person whos had a mental breakdown before and she lost her job and her best friend but she is engaged to get married to her partner and then she got another job and still has other friends so she didn't lose EVERYTHING. Our situations are quite harrowing. To deal with shame, I recommend reading the book Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig. It definitely made me feel better about having a breakdown and how other people have percieved it. I do think there are a lot of us out there though.

Edit: also cliche but I recommend you see a GOOD therapist if/when you can get one. Like a therapist with a lot of experience, good qualifications and who doesn't just jump to label you with a bunch of mental disorders but actually seeks to understand your unique situation and help you in a therapeutic way.

I feel you. "I wouldn't know how to give myself advice in my current situation though." My life is such a fucking mess. I wouldn't really know what to say to fix it.

I understand that now, re: what you're saying about men vs women. "I wanted kids so I feel quite a lot of despair about how my love life has turned out. If I didn't want kids, I'd feel better about life although I'd still feel terrible." Yeah, I hear you. I never made a solid decision on whether I wanted kids before, but now I think about how I don't think I can have them because of my mental problems (I would feel terrible bringing an innocent human into this mess), and I get sad. Just another thing in life I'm going to miss out on. Even if I didn't want them, it just doesn't feel good that something else has made the decision for me.

"I have also been depressed, dysfunctional and passively suicidal for large parts of my life and that plus other issues have completely ruined a lot of things for me- mostly friendships and love life." Yup. Same. "Yeah in my more hopeful moods, I think there is no harm in at least trying to start from scratch again. Like what have we got to lose at this point? In theory, we might as well try." I feel that sometimes too. Other times — I'm in a lot of emotional turmoil lately, due to post-breakdown damage and being recently sober from alcohol, therefore having to deal with my feelings a bunch — I think, well, what's the point in living if I'm never going to be able to fulfill my potential, and I'm going to struggle with these thoughts forever? I don't want to ctb (yet?), I'm scared of death, but my God my mind is such a minefield to have to live with.

I have to say, I highly appreciate your hopeful words and your reassurance/consolation towards me. You do come across as hopeful, which makes me think there's hope for you too. Could you turn some of that towards your situation?

I love those lyrics to Time btw. I always loved the song Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, and the melancholic melody too.

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year
Running over the same old ground, what have we found?
The same old fears, wish you were here"

It helps knowing that these musicians went through something similar. I should listen to music more to deal with this.

I'm sorry to hear about your 2.5 year long mental breakdown. Mine really started in like 2023 and lasted til 2025, so I understand where you're coming from. The last 9-10 months have also been some of the worst for me. My relationship was 2/2.5 years proper I guess, but counting the time we lived together it was more like 4. It was messy and confusing. I lost them more so because I was a dysfunctional mess. Inconsistent with jobs, bad finances, messy house, no plans for my future, etc. I think losing the relationship was a factor in the breakdown, and things got a lot worse from then on.

Thank you for the book recommendation! I'll check it out. Yeah, I'm in the process of finding a therapist currently. I am just so ashamed of how crazy I have been acting, and also my emotions are still out of control so every little thing overwhelms me, that I haven't been able to buckle down and do it. I am exhausted by how long I've been in a state of emotional crisis. Every day I cry and I'm anxious, even little things feel intensely overwhelming. How are you doing today/how was yesterday?