Venting I keep returning to this site

[iwanttodie1]

Every 2 weeks or so I come back to this site either looking for methods or posting my own, saying that I'm going to do it but end up failing/not even attempting it. This constant loop is making my life so miserable, I wish I could just end it in an instant and peaceful way. School is starting soon for me aswell and I kind of feel pressured to get it done before it starts so I don't possibly bring any attention to myself. It's weird. Even though I would be dead I still care what people would think of me afterwards. Anyways, each time I come back I gain more knowledge on different methods, so hopefully some day it happens. My life is so beyond ruined I don't understand how my SI have kept me alive for this long.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound so ideal having the option of a peaceful and reliable exit. Ctb really is so difficult and it's understandable as to why you would be miserable. I know that it's dreadful wanting to leave so badly yet still being stuck here. The fear of failure is what holds me back from attempting. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[akana]

same

 

[Hurt]

I can relate to this. I always come back to this site. I never attempted but I want to die everyday though. Anyway I hope you can feel better. Life is hard.

The fear of failure is what holds me back from attempting.

Same.

 

[savoytruffle]

yeah me too, ive postponed to next year but i keep coming back here

 

[Worndown]

If it was really easy, there would be nobody on this site. Come back as often as you need. Everyone understands.

 

[y'ffre]

Same, I come here often. Before being a member, I was reading this forum for months. I like this "place".

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I have been here for almost 2 and a half years on and off. Swore up and down that if things didn't work out when I first joined the site that that would be it and I would be gone. Things not only didn't work out, they fell apart in a horrible fashion that left me even worse off than before. That's not even taking into account all the other terrible shit that has happened during and after that, yet, I am still here and still waiting for that moment. And ya know what? That's fine. It's the biggest decision I will ever make so I need to do it on my terms not anyone else's. That goes for all of us. Never be ashamed of your decisions regarding this. Ever.

 

[takemenowpls]

Same here. After a couple failed attempts I find myself living on this site. I guess I'm hoping something just pops out and gives me the strength to finally do it again and do it right. But this is a safe place to talk about things like that. Maybe that's why you keep returning.

However, you mention a lot of things that sound hopeful. The reality is this forum or at least this part doesn't speak a lot of hope. Instead it talks about many people suffering, intent and methods to stop the suffering. Perhaps this isn't for you? Sometimes you have to decide if reading these posts helps or triggers you. The last thing you want is to choose death over living based on reading others posts. We are all different. But you sound, and please forgive me if I'm wrong like you still have a chance at life.

 

[RottenApple17]

I'm trapped in the same loop

 

[theboy]

I'm in the same situation. I should have died a long time ago.
I wish you peace in your heart