I just want to die.

[Terrible_Life_99]

I hate it at home its terrible here. My family is making my suffering worse by being an annoying family. I have no other place to go. I planned my suicide for a long time now and everything is prepared (full hanging). I just want to die but even though my pain is so indescribable I still don't do it. I'm still letting myself being tortured day after day after day. I wished to somehow enjoy my final days but no I think I will just die. Its like in a movie but then out of nowhere abruptly it will get dark and ends. It pisses me off that I never lived that i was never a part of society that I never had an independent free life but instead was always handicapped with mental illnesses. Nobody will ever know how much I suffered. Bastards will find some lies which they'll believe when i die. They'll probably lie to themselves that it was all my fault that i was egocentric for commiting suicide.
I just want to leave.

 

[Hangman.]

I feel extremely sorry for you . And can relate with you about being in an abusive and annoying family. My family also tortures me to the point I constantly have thoughts about stabbing myself repeatably. It feels so selfish of them to bring me into this world only to make me suffer endlessly. Ctb is the only option for me too.
Good luck on whatever path you will choose in the future

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

I feel extremely sorry for you . And can relate with you about being in an abusive and annoying family. My family also tortures me to the point I constantly have thoughts about stabbing myself repeatably. It feels so selfish of them to bring me into this world only to make me suffer endlessly. Ctb is the only option for me too.
Good luck on whatever path you will choose in the future

Its really difficult to live under these circumstances. How do you survive if i may ask? I mean how do you manage the day. I just suffer through the whole die until they all sleep and then I watch tv all alone mostly old tv shows from my childhood animes or 2000's nickelodeon shows just to get some nostalgia. Every new day gives me so many new arguments to just hang myself.

 

[jjnsjso44458]

Its really difficult to live under these circumstances. How do you survive if i may ask? I mean how do you manage the day. I just suffer through the whole die until they all sleep and then I watch tv all alone mostly old tv shows from my childhood animes or 2000's nickelodeon shows just to get some nostalgia. Every new day gives me so many new arguments to just hang myself.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I know all too well how it feels. I really relate to you watching the old shows for nostalgia, I do this too, I think it helps me remember how life was a little easier when I was a kid, before facing the reality of my mental health and suffering.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

I'm sorry you're going through this, I know all too well how it feels. I really relate to you watching the old shows for nostalgia, I do this too, I think it helps me remember how life was a little easier when I was a kid, before facing the reality of my mental health and suffering.

Yes absolutely but the irony in my case is that it was during that time when i was a kid that these huge fatal mistakes happened which damaged me for life.
I think I should just hang myself it has to happen.