I just want to die, please talk to me

[dudebl]

I've posted quite a few times, but this is the only place I can get dialogue and support and I truly appreciate the community here.

I'm 36 unemployed been out of work 3 years, quit my six figure job due to depression, burnout and anxiety.

I just want out, I've researched high and low this site, the internet, and ChatGPT/grok and I can't come to a way out.

There's no fixing my life, gap in employment, misdemeanor on my record, not a penny to my name, old, depressed, lack the energy and drive to even work.

How will I make it, I'll never have a job paying enough like my last to catch up for any retirement, gap in work is going to cut into social security when I'm old, I don't expect any inheritance.

I'm going to spend the rest of my life, and especially my old years in poverty, probably on the streets. Add to this we've found out our biological ancestors live a long time (my mom is adopted so we have just been learning our biology), some living to 99 years old.

How can I go on, there's no logical solution but to get out, yet as many many of us - I can't find a fool proof method without risk of permanent incapacitation.

I flip back and forth between "buckling down, busting my ass, trying to rebuild hoping for the best" and kicking the bucket. But then I fear as I said kicking the bucket will lead to incapacitation leading to still living and never being to be able to "bust ass, rebuild" and have it worse.

Sometimes I truly believe this life is actually hell (I'm not religious or even believe in god) but it's all to convenient how torturous this life is to not start to think I'm paying for some past sins and this is hell.

Please talk to me

 

[TBONTB]

I've posted quite a few times, but this is the only place I can get dialogue and support and I truly appreciate the community here.

I'm 36 unemployed been out of work 3 years, quit my six figure job due to depression, burnout and anxiety.

I just want out, I've researched high and low this site, the internet, and ChatGPT/grok and I can't come to a way out.

There's no fixing my life, gap in employment, misdemeanor on my record, not a penny to my name, old, depressed, lack the energy and drive to even work.

How will I make it, I'll never have a job paying enough like my last to catch up for any retirement, gap in work is going to cut into social security when I'm old, I don't expect any inheritance.

I'm going to spend the rest of my life, and especially my old years in poverty, probably on the streets. Add to this we've found out our biological ancestors live a long time (my mom is adopted so we have just been learning our biology), some living to 99 years old.

How can I go on, there's no logical solution but to get out, yet as many many of us - I can't find a fool proof method without risk of permanent incapacitation.

I flip back and forth between "buckling down, busting my ass, trying to rebuild hoping for the best" and kicking the bucket. But then I fear as I said kicking the bucket will lead to incapacitation leading to still living and never being to be able to "bust ass, rebuild" and have it worse.

Sometimes I truly believe this life is actually hell (I'm not religious or even believe in god) but it's all to convenient how torturous this life is to not start to think I'm paying for some past sins and this is hell.

Please talk to me

Hey there. Totally understand the desire to connect. It helps calm the churn.

 

[Irisse]

Hey, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Don't blame yourself for quitting your job, you did the best you could with the circumstances you've had. I also understand the fear of it getting even worse after an attempt. But if you are sure that this is it, there are plenty of resources here, and although no method is without risks, there are guides that help reduce suffering. I truly fear for the future of the world, with economy getting worse, and dying alone from old age on the street is also one of my fears. I hope you find peace, whether in this life or in death.

 

[unluckysadness]

Same. I'm out of work since 4 years. My shitty job gave me a disability because too much stress. I'm isolated for so long time. Isolation and chronic pain is maybe harder than the disability itself. I'm 43 and I'm ready to leave. I think it's hell too and we don't deserve this shit. All I want is PEACE for us all. I send you hugs

 

[Firefly.Forest]

So sorry for what you and many here are going thru - between a large rock and an unbelievably hard place.
There is no "perfect" method and although this is the chosen path, there are no guaranteed results.

My life is mangled beyond recognition and it is hell. As I look at the future, I do not see anything to hope for and it is hard to know which way to turn.

I wish you peace friend and hope for the best for you and all of us.

 

[darksouls]

I wish you peace