There is no scenario, no prospect where life can improve for me. If I kill myself I will cause pain to other people, something that does not rest easy with me. But the alternative is a life that will consist of endless suffering, endless flashbacks and memories of distress humiliation embarrassment shame anxiety, endless put downs, endlessly stuck between doors that will never open. I will never be happy. The longer I go on the more I suffer, the tighter the doors will get.
I understand how you feel. I have an incurable illness. There is no hope for a brighter future. It simply isn't possible. But ending things will cause distress for my family. I can hope that nature will end it for me, but the time that will take can seem endless. It simply isn't fair.
I wish I could see solutions, making the best of this is too much.
