Venting i have nobody to talk to, so im putting how i feel here

[todaywasgod]

the last time i really cried was when i was overweight, and then i lost the weight and i felt okay i thought i did it. its nothing that being any weight will fix. its my face. i'm hideous. my bones are completely wrong, everything about my face is wrong. im sure when god made me he had to use his left hand, the right would have been occupied with a bottle of liquor. there's no other way for everything to be so completely incorrect. it's inhuman. i don't know how much longer i can manage with this face. it all stems from my boyfriend mocking the way i look but i cant hate him for it because he helped me realize a truth about myself that explains everything about how i am how the world has treated me. when i die im sure the scene will be just as disgusting as i was in life. ivve come to hate my parents as well, especially my mother. i cant forgive them for making me live with this face. i would never do that to my child. it isnt even a face a mother could love, shes told me she doesnt. i dont have anything going for me outside of my face, which makes it worse. but if i am the product of how the world treats me, and the way the world treats me only boils down to my looks, its no suprise i ended up a failure. i can't push all the blame on bones and genetics. its my own shortcomings as well. still my life adds up to as much value as my face is

it's a mess of words so dont expect anything philosophical or meaningful

 

[kitkat9234]

I can def relate. I'm so fat and disgusting I can't even look in the mirror and hate going out in public because I'm so gross. I used to be thin and attractive yet these medications have ruined me. I hate this. Big hugs to you.

 

[TemporaryJob]

it's unfair that 100 percent of the way people treat you boils down to if they think ur hot </3

 

[_chud_]

Do you have body dysmorphia or something? I don't think this is normal at all, even if you were that ugly most ugly people don't obsess over it to that extent. Either way, that sucks and I feel really bad for you. Plus your boyfriend shouldn't have mocked you for that.

 

[todaywasgod]

every day i fantasize about taking my auto and just full fucking blasting all of them, theyre all pure evil. it'd be nothing more than hitting roaches with a REALLY effective bug spray

Do you have body dysmorphia or something? I don't think this is normal at all, even if you were that ugly most ugly people don't obsess over it to that extent. Either way, that sucks and I feel really bad for you. Plus your boyfriend shouldn't have mocked you for that.

i live in a bit of a circle everythings the same everyday and it isnt his fault hes been with women much prettier before me i cant blame him its not him its my face its my bones its all my ancestors for coming together to breed this almost comically disgusting mass of bones and flesh that i am
the world fucking owes it to me to let me feel beautiful even if its just for a day but even if it tried its best it wouldnt work at all i dont think the damage is done ill never see the world through the lens of a pretty girl life hasnt even begun for me and it never will and its all because of something that is completely out of my control
i want to carve the skin the off a model i want to strip my body of all its worthless fucked up deformed bones and flesh and replace it with hers and wear it as my own forever the world OWES me it it would be so justified it'd be perfectly justified i deserve to feel that light upon my skin
i'd gather all the pretyt girls in a little room and fuckihg blasdt through all of them i dont care nobody gets out alive nobody gets out alive they all deserve it they took everythihn from me before i could have had the chance to hjave it ive done nothing notihng at all to deserve the curse of this face but if they want to put it on me ill give them someone who desrves that if i have no choice ill give them someone whos worthy of that pain
i'd gather all the pretyt girls in a little room and fuckihg blasdt through all of them i dont care nobody gets out alive nobody gets out alive they all deserve it they took everythihn from me before i could have had the chance to hjave it ive done nothing notihng at all to deserve the curse of this face but if they want to put it on me ill give them someone who desrves that if i have no choice ill give them someone whos worthy of that pain
idont think someonew ho can conjure those thoughts desreves to live. but its all a product of ho w the world has treated me. its a mirror its a reflection of this face of this body of my form everytihng ive done all i could to get away with it butthe same thing always fucking straes back at me
it;sd my face. thats wgy the world is so ugly .its all a mirror reflection. therefletion is the only truth and the reflection is hOpeless.
why cant he just be nice to me whty does he only thraeaten me and attack me and make me feel horrible thats all he does he didnt do that to any of his pretty girls and its his fault if eel like thsi i hate him i want him to die but tomrorow hewill convicen me i ilove him all over again im so tired i m so fucking tired i want him gone
hes not supposed to make mefeel so alone thats agaibst tge point yhats against hte purpose he chose to take on in my lief why is he not fulfilling it why is he not doing what hes suposed to why does he only want to see me suffer all because of my face he told me this is what ugly girls desvere
hes right becaysey i ahve notihng else ot belive i hav enjo authority i ahve nothing like thati never have this is all i have to belivee in and im never goifng to get oyt for the rest of my miserbale life
why do you ask me for thr world wyen you mske me feel like the most disgusting horrible woman on this olanet you made me hate myself so much wirse than i already did

 

[StupidCat]

How did you even get a boyfriend.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

Not every person who feels bad about how they look has dysmorphia.

If a person is ugly, they are in fact treated horribly. It's just how it is.

Some people actually do have dysmorphia. Heidi Montage from the TV show The Hills didn't have dysmorphia exactly, but people made fun of her for having a big jaw and chin. She ended up getting a huge number of plastic surgeries and looked worse, not better.

The reason was that Heidi's big huge chin and jaw came sort of to a very feminine point and because the rest of her features were so soft and feminine, it gave her an extremely unique look.


When the plastic surgery was done, she was still pretty (she was gorgeous either way and the sort of person who would be hard to make ugly) but all of the uniqueness that made her face more exciting and interesting to look at was gone. Fewer people ended up talking about her as a result, but also fewer people made fun of her.

It's very hard to know from what the original poster has posted if this is dysmorphia or if the it is real asymmetry and lack of harmony in the face.

Really, to know if you are attractive, ask how often you are hit on when out in public or posting a personal ad online? Never, rarely, sometimes, or often. If people are trying to date you, then it's more likely dysmorphia.

I relate to your situation. I have certain bizarre features that I can't change. If I had enough money I could try to have expensive plastic surgery, but it's unclear if anything would work. My eye positions are not centered in my skulls, and my features sort of adapter to try to make that look more normal, but it doesn't look very normal. One side of my face is much, much smaller than the other. Even if I could lengthen one of my jaw bones, the center of my jaw is off center to match my eyes that are off center. There's not really an easy way to make me look normal.

You mention your boyfriend commenting on your face. Is it something like "you sure have a big (chin/nose/jaw/etc)" but he's really attracted to you and wants to fuck you and is teasing you or is he genuinely criticizing you? If he is genuinely criticizing you, maybe you're better off with someone else. If he's teasing you, then he probably just likes joking with you and you are freaking out and shouldn't do anything, the same was Heidi was super pretty with her large weird chin and jaw that ended up making her eyes look even prettier and made her look more unique.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

I can def relate. I'm so fat and disgusting I can't even look in the mirror and hate going out in public because I'm so gross. I used to be thin and attractive yet these medications have ruined me. I hate this. Big hugs to you.

Yep, the medications destroy beauty, and they don't really adequately warn people about that because psychiatrists are just greedy drug pushers. Many of these medications barely work better than a placebo, have such horrendous side effects, but those greedy doctors need their money and so push these products on the desperate and vulnerable.

 

[kitkat9234]

Yep, the medications destroy beauty, and they don't really adequately warn people about that because psychiatrists are just greedy drug pushers. Many of these medications barely work better than a placebo, have such horrendous side effects, but those greedy doctors need their money and so push these products on the desperate and vulnerable.

It's awful. And I have to take even more meds to combat the side effects of the original ones and they barely work. I have TD as a result which will never go away. They've made a fourtune out of me. It's awful. I wish I could go off them but am scared of being worse. I just want to CTB and put me out of my misery. Ugh.

 

[Parnate]

I

the last time i really cried was when i was overweight, and then i lost the weight and i felt okay i thought i did it. its nothing that being any weight will fix. its my face. i'm hideous. my bones are completely wrong, everything about my face is wrong. im sure when god made me he had to use his left hand, the right would have been occupied with a bottle of liquor. there's no other way for everything to be so completely incorrect. it's inhuman. i don't know how much longer i can manage with this face. it all stems from my boyfriend mocking the way i look but i cant hate him for it because he helped me realize a truth about myself that explains everything about how i am how the world has treated me. when i die im sure the scene will be just as disgusting as i was in life. ivve come to hate my parents as well, especially my mother. i cant forgive them for making me live with this face. i would never do that to my child. it isnt even a face a mother could love, shes told me she doesnt. i dont have anything going for me outside of my face, which makes it worse. but if i am the product of how the world treats me, and the way the world treats me only boils down to my looks, its no suprise i ended up a failure. i can't push all the blame on bones and genetics. its my own shortcomings as well. still my life adds up to as much value as my face is

it's a mess of words so dont expect anything philosophical or meaningful

I am so sorry you have to go through this.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

why cant he just be nice to me whty does he only thraeaten me and attack me and make me feel horrible thats all he does he didnt do that to any of his pretty girls and its his fault if eel like thsi i hate him i want him to die but tomrorow hewill convicen me i ilove him all over again im so tired i m so fucking tired i want him gone

If he behaves that way towards you, then he likely has behaved that way, in some capacity, with his past girlfriends. It is likely that you aren't ugly but rather that he is going out of his way to push the idea of you being ugly in order to lower your self-esteem and make you less likely to leave the relationship. It's an abuse tactic.
If I were you, I'd focus less on talking about wanting to murder beautiful women and about how the world owes you shit (because the world doesn't owe us anything. It's not like it's a person or something), and instead focus more on trying to leave him and keep him as far away from you as possible. Right now, your safety should be your top priority.

 

[wham311]

Yep. Was attractive in September and everyone treated me really well, I fell apart and get disrespected and ignored now

Life sucks. Hugs to you. Wish we had physician assisted suicide

 

[todaywasgod]

Not every person who feels bad about how they look has dysmorphia.

If a person is ugly, they are in fact treated horribly. It's just how it is.

Some people actually do have dysmorphia. Heidi Montage from the TV show The Hills didn't have dysmorphia exactly, but people made fun of her for having a big jaw and chin. She ended up getting a huge number of plastic surgeries and looked worse, not better.

The reason was that Heidi's big huge chin and jaw came sort of to a very feminine point and because the rest of her features were so soft and feminine, it gave her an extremely unique look.


When the plastic surgery was done, she was still pretty (she was gorgeous either way and the sort of person who would be hard to make ugly) but all of the uniqueness that made her face more exciting and interesting to look at was gone. Fewer people ended up talking about her as a result, but also fewer people made fun of her.

It's very hard to know from what the original poster has posted if this is dysmorphia or if the it is real asymmetry and lack of harmony in the face.

Really, to know if you are attractive, ask how often you are hit on when out in public or posting a personal ad online? Never, rarely, sometimes, or often. If people are trying to date you, then it's more likely dysmorphia.

I relate to your situation. I have certain bizarre features that I can't change. If I had enough money I could try to have expensive plastic surgery, but it's unclear if anything would work. My eye positions are not centered in my skulls, and my features sort of adapter to try to make that look more normal, but it doesn't look very normal. One side of my face is much, much smaller than the other. Even if I could lengthen one of my jaw bones, the center of my jaw is off center to match my eyes that are off center. There's not really an easy way to make me look normal.

You mention your boyfriend commenting on your face. Is it something like "you sure have a big (chin/nose/jaw/etc)" but he's really attracted to you and wants to fuck you and is teasing you or is he genuinely criticizing you? If he is genuinely criticizing you, maybe you're better off with someone else. If he's teasing you, then he probably just likes joking with you and you are freaking out and shouldn't do anything, the same was Heidi was super pretty with her large weird chin and jaw that ended up making her eyes look even prettier and made her look more unique.

if hes just teasing ir not i dont know i cant tell but its embarrassing to tlel him because hess justgonna do it more itss not his fault
its just banter and im too retarded to really undestand it im being dramatic as fuck about it im sorry hes never told me the opposite so it hurts but even if he did i wouldnt believ him