Venting i have no other option now

[nemesis_]

long story short, i attempted partial and am now showing signs of neurological damage. damage to the parts that made me who i am. now i genuinely have nothing to live for. this is so unbelievably depressing. i haven't even seen a doctor yet because i thought this was something else. now i can't see one since i lost my job and don't have insurance.

now i have to finish the job. i just wish i had a more reliable and less painful method at hand. i guess i'm gonna do partial again but this time, i'll use a nylon belt and i won't chicken out. i wish i had benzos or opioids to make the process a little easier :/ i thought about smoking some weed beforehand but i don't think that'll be enough. idk.

edit: don't get me wrong, i was extremely suicidal before this incident and would've most definitely stayed that way even if this hadn't happened. part of me is even glad this happened because it's made me braver in a way. i never enjoyed life and never will. i just had to clarify this in case there are any anti-suicide lurkers reading this.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Life is so cruel. I'm so sorry you feel trapped into doing this now. I wish you peace.

 

[nemesis_]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Life is so cruel. I'm so sorry you feel trapped into doing this now. I wish you peace.

thank you

 

[Nightfoot]

I'm sorry you went through that and suffered neuro damage. I wish you didn't feel trapped by it and I hope you can find some relief.

 

[nemesis_]

I'm sorry you went through that and suffered neuro damage. I wish you didn't feel trapped by it and I hope you can find some relief.

thank you for the kind words

 

[bankai]

I have SN. But since I don't have the other protocol bits, I'm leaning towards partial myself. So in my first real attempt, when I put the noose around my neck and slowly sank into it, I felt myself black out quick. Followed by terror, and then followed by propping myself up with my hands holding the doorway.

I kind of have an idea how to do it now. I plan to just down a lot of alcohol and just sit into the noose. Eventually I'll pass out in a few minutes.There's no way I can handle that.