Someplace_nice
Student
- Sep 28, 2024
- 146
I talked my only friend out of suicide. It's not the first time, but it always hurts to know that he would lie, and worse, would wait to tell me until he's wanting to die. I grieved him for a while year, I really don't want to lose him when I just have gotten him back. I told my husband this and all I got was a sorry text and how to get ahold of him at work, when he came home there was no comforting, when I brought it back up he didn't even say a word. He didn't even notice that I was depressed when I went to bed.. I bet he's gonna stay up till 4 again and ruin our plans for tomorrow. I feel numb but under that is anger that he is still up, but it's only 1 31 am. Under that is sadness and loneliness, I have one game off of the PC but he has over 200 off of the PC. So I get bored than watch mind numbing shit on YouTube than get depressed bc I feel worthless watching that stupid shit, I could be doing productive things but I don't. I get a little tired so I just sit my fat ass down and do nothing but eat. I have a pumpkin I could've baked or other shit I could've baked, I could be doing my cleaning or even taking a shower, but I am not in being a lump on the couch being worthless. Ik he needs to play on the PC more tho, he is still really stressed out about everything so I will keep my depression to myself until he notices and asks or I implode. I'm glad my friend isn't suicidal anymore for rn at least, but I wish someone would be there for me. My husband used to be but than we broke a lease and bought a house and now have a old landlord threatening us at every turn we gotta spend less while still feeding ourselves and our cats. It's very stressful especially since he's a procrastinator and I'm always nagging him to do things that he never does than I get mad and we get in a fight. I care for everyone and give myself days off but I have no one to actually lean on rn and it gets hard. That's probably why I've gotten addicted to pangya again, the people there always are nice and ask how I am. I never tell them but it feels so nice to talk to other people who are supportive of you even though you just met that second.
