i hate myself so much

[akrasia]

-tigger warning- self harm

i couldn't take it no more, i just couldn't. i sat down, played some music and took out my blade. then i proceeded, with every cut i go deeper. i'm out of control, i can't stop myself. the pain inside me is far more painful than the damage i put on myself. the pain i'm feeling inside just numbs me. napkins soaked with my blood, while my blood continue oozing out of my arm.
i was doing fine last week, i was motivated, happy, and self harm free. and then i fallen into where i was before. i'm mad at myself, for getting to this point. i can't believe i actually thought i was getting better. i hate myself so much
i'm so tired, i just wish i can ctb right now, i have everything i needed to do so. but i can't, i just can't, it's not my time to leave. i just have to wait a bit longer.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm so sorry that life is so bad for you that you feel the need to self harm.

 

[faust]

It feels painful... Getting better for a while might be a good experience, however, you should always be ready for everything. Better safe than sorry.
Our life is not a straight line, today can be good, tomorrow may be casting a shadow or vice versa.
If you are on your way to recovery, be sure that you may have really bad times.
If you choose the opposite path, you will have the spells of a good mood.
it is very important to understand that we can be very unstable and what's more, it is normal for us...
Wish you a good luck in whatever you do!

 

[Angel1234]

Look I'm not gonna tell you it's gonna get better, and I'm not gonna tell you it's your fault, I definitely can't judge you for cutting.
And neither can anyone else, it was your decision and that's ok. Honestly idk what I'm saying I hope it helps?

 

[selfhater]

i feel u:( sorry u have this much of pain *ghost hug*

 

[muffin222]

I'm so sorry you're suffering from such deep pain. I can feel the pain just reading your words.

I sincerely hope you can find some semblance of peace and relief in the meantime