Venting I hate being perceived

[ImNotReal]

Like?? Like? I hate the fact that other people see me and have to talk to me and have formed relationships by me and have to be hurt by me. I hate hearing my own voice or looking at myself in pictures. Every time I'm reminded by a coworker that they have opinions on me or that someone. Thinks about me outside of whenever I am physically there is agonizing to me.

A friend asked me what animal I related to and I got sad??? And freaked out and couldn't answer because I don't know??? How to look at my characteristics or anything without. Crumpling. Someone drew me and it's a very very very nice gesture but it. Makes me fucking spiral so bad I hate being loved I hate being seen I want to just be forgotten. I hope nobody cares enough to remember me after i do it

 

[chernobylmosqut]

I feel the same way. For me I hate myself so much I can't understand how anybody could think anything good about me. I don't like the fact people see me and form opinions and thoughts about me. I feel like such a blight in public and nothing but shame for existing near people.

 

[BrainSplatter]

There's actually a name for this - RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) maybe that's what you're experiencing? I relate to you a lot like being perceived by others feels so painful for me. Even simple things like taking out the trash every week is a struggle. I'm terrified of being watched or judged everywhere I go - shopping public transport or walking down the street feels unbearable when I know people have their own opinions about me that I can't control.

I end up acting a certain way or avoiding situations altogether just so I won't seem "weird" but ironically that probably makes me look even weirder lol its horrible like I'm stuck in some fucked up documentary and a camera crew is about to jump out at any moment.

It's like I'm constantly seen as strange, odd or worthless and I worry that other people are just reflecting back all the negative thoughts I already have about myself making them feel even more real. It's like I'm the punchline to a joke it feels like I'm always one step away from being humiliated in public just for existing as I am