takuyangel
[ communist daughter ]
- Feb 19, 2025
- 99
My dreams have always had a tendency to just be a reflection of my deepest desires. I've always just dreamed of things that I subconsciously yearn for the most. And it is so. Exhausting. Last night I dreamt of nearly falling asleep besides the girl who I'd actually been hanging out with earlier that day. Before she kissed me and reminded me that I still had to drive her home. I woke up in the middle of the night and it genuinely felt so real that I had to momentarily contemplate whether or not it was a dream or a memory .
I fell asleep again and woke up in the arms of my Ex. We were holding each other, and I forgot most of what she was saying, but I remembered "It's okay, ____. I know you've been hurting."
It is. so Humiliating to Wake up and be Alone on a mattress on the floor of my Mom's house after remembering I got kicked out of my house a month ago by the people I considered my only friends. To remember that my ex is happy and has been in a relationship for months. And that the girl I hung out with will painfully obviously Never feel the way about me that I do about her. Why does my brain do this . I know how it feels in the moment of the dream. I can remember. It feels good. I feel happy. Like there's nothing wrong. Nothing at all. It is so. Fucking miserable.
In reality, I have to return a rental today that my Insurance gave me after totaling my car and I'm gonna have to take the bus home because I've realized there is literally Nobody left in my life who I can call for a ride. I have Never felt so fucking alone in my life and I have Never felt more Deserving of it.
I fell asleep again and woke up in the arms of my Ex. We were holding each other, and I forgot most of what she was saying, but I remembered "It's okay, ____. I know you've been hurting."
It is. so Humiliating to Wake up and be Alone on a mattress on the floor of my Mom's house after remembering I got kicked out of my house a month ago by the people I considered my only friends. To remember that my ex is happy and has been in a relationship for months. And that the girl I hung out with will painfully obviously Never feel the way about me that I do about her. Why does my brain do this . I know how it feels in the moment of the dream. I can remember. It feels good. I feel happy. Like there's nothing wrong. Nothing at all. It is so. Fucking miserable.
In reality, I have to return a rental today that my Insurance gave me after totaling my car and I'm gonna have to take the bus home because I've realized there is literally Nobody left in my life who I can call for a ride. I have Never felt so fucking alone in my life and I have Never felt more Deserving of it.
