Venting I feel like I'm too selfish

[OtterFromTheCosmos]

For my first thread it might be a bit of a jump to go instantly into venting, but
I felel like recently, I've been wanting to CTB a lot

However, I feel like something pushing me away is a lot of people here
When I see people talking about their situations here, I feel incredibly bad, since people here are suffering way more than I could ever right now
So I just end up thinking
"God I'm just a priviledged asshole, why do I wanna die when someone else is suffering like, 500x the amount I am????"
Ironically, this feeling of "I'm a priviledged asshole" just pushes me deeper into the "I want to CTB" cycle

I really wonder if someone else feels the same way as me

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Yes, I've had the same thought. I see some people's stories and I have a moment of clarity where I say to myself, "What is the matter with you, you don't have it that bad". And then it just makes me feel even more guilty for being that "selfish" and then I think, "I don't deserve to live, if I'm gonna be that awful of a human being". Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

[OtterFromTheCosmos]

Ah, I'm glad I'm not completely alone in my thinking then
I guess, personally, I just wish the best for the people here
Be it recovering or CTB

 

[Matchaaa]

I'm sorry you feel that way. Personally, I don't think pain is a race, because everyone's pain stems from different causes. But it's all real.

 

[OtterFromTheCosmos]

I'm sorry you feel that way. Personally, I don't think pain is a race, because everyone's pain stems from different causes. But it's all real.

I guess you're right in that sense, but I just can't stop myself
I feel bad for the people who have it way worse than me
Maybe I just want other people to be at peace more than I want it for myself
I don't really know

 

[K14~♡]

I'm not sure if this will help at all, but I wanna tell you that people's pain shouldn't be compared. Even if others are in worse situations, we're all still suffering, including you (Basically what Matchaaa said). It doesn't make what you're going through a "better thing." It's still shitty, and you still have reasons for why you wanna die. All that remains valid, you're not being selfish.
You'll probably still keep feeling bad for this nonetheless, but I hope you'll think less of yourself as a "privileged asshole who should have been happy with life cuz they have it better"

I no longer connect with the memory since it's been so long, but I felt like this too in the past