I feel like I owe my kids a note

[ThenOneDayIDid]

For so long I felt guilty that my children were not an anchor for me. I was told they should be and followed suit because I was ashamed of being viewed as a horrible mother and person. I love them with all my heart, but know my chronic depression has caused more harm than good over the years. ECT has taken so much of my quality of life, and I feel like I've stolen a lot of good years from them. I feel as if I owe them something that shows my continued love despite my decision, but not sure if that's a selfish move on my part. Any thoughts appreciated.
Thanks

 

[fruitninjamaster]

Overall I don't think you 'owe' anyone anything, it may make you feel less guilty if you explain things to your family, but you don't need to say anything. My note to my family is not deep, it is just saying goodbye and asking them to move on. Whatever choice you make it the correct one

 

[ThenOneDayIDid]

Thanks for your thoughtful response. It wouldn't be a note explaining my decision, more like expressing my love for them. The notes would solely focus on them, how amazing they are, what my wishes are for them. Not something I'd even want them to read for several years. I don't think it'd be okay to do that to them at their current age. But, my children didn't ask to be brought into this world and, in a sense, abandoned by me emotionally and physically.
So, I do feel that I owe them everything I can give. I appreciate your perspective. Thank you for sharing with me. Guess I'm just needing to talk it out a bit.

Overall I don't think you 'owe' anyone anything, it may make you feel less guilty if you explain things to your family, but you don't need to say anything. My note to my family is not deep, it is just saying goodbye and asking them to move on. Whatever choice you make it the correct one

May I ask how you settled on what you wanted to say?

 

[fruitninjamaster]

I have had my note going for a few years, I don't have emotional things to say to my family, they have known for years I feel this way and this is just a final goodbye, I love you, and a request to be forgotten.

I think writing individual notes to your family would be beautiful, and I know I would appreciate to hear that from someone in my life, but honestly, who cares if you write it our not.

I would just say they don't have to be long or super detailed, if you have something you feel the need to say, say it, you can also use speech to text if you don't have the energy.

 

[idiotmother]

I'm a mom too, I'm sorry you are going through this. The shame of being suicidal and a parent is so hard. I've had people tell me some pretty terrible things due to my situation, no one understands. I like your idea of leaving them loving notes, I think that's the right thing to do. I'm sorry that ect made you so much worse, it's criminal what the medical industry has done to some of us. Life is so unfair ;(

 

[WhiteRabbit]

How old are your kids?