I feel like I can't beat my trauma

[Sadbanana]

My trauma is feeling like I'm worthless. I'm autistic and most of my life I was excluded, made fun of, invalidated and lot of other stuff poeple do when they see someone as inferior.

It's not helping me to care or to be angry about my situation. But the emotions inside me are pretty heavy, I'm so angry I would maybe even destroy this whole world if I could. It just feels so unfair. I'm also disappointed and sad. I'm ashamed of not being like others.

It just sucks so bad, it's as if I was a leaf, that stopped receiving nutrients from a tree and now I have to slowly wither out in isolation. Every single day I'm reminded what I lack, I wish I could forget about everything. I wish I didn't have to live in this world full of fucking monsters.

 

[NegevChina]

Sorry for how you feel. I felt like this all my life though never diagnosed autistic. I am also different than others, have social anxiety, never could really mingle with people, always an outsider, had friends but some of them took advantage of me. Mostly could not excel at work due to inability to speak in front of people because of my anxiety. I did get married and have two kids, but I feel its all falling apart now.

 

[whywere]

1st off, you are NOT and NEVER WILL BE inferior EVER!!!

2nd, I have been made fun of all my life, BUT maybe I am either stubborn and/or stupid, BUT I WILL NEVER EVER let another person define me and neither should you.

You have so many talents, love for others, caring and kind, qualities that those that do not want to be kind to you will NEVER have. I have seen it seen the 1960's. Those that "seem" better, are always a negative way to validate their existence and it never works.

I have been the butt of bad behavior and I can say, since I am older and have been through the mill of life, that they NEVER EVER do anything but stew in their own juices and are always dissatisfied, not only with their lives, BUT with THEMSELVES.

You are a wonderfully loving soul; I picked that up reading your post and NEVER EVER let the mean-spirited clowns get you down.

One word: Karma and yes, I have seen this happen, time and time again, where jerks get theirs down the road of life.

Hugs and well wishes, my good friend.

Walter