Not one single woman has ever been attracted to me. I'm still a kissless virgin at 27. If it hadn't happened by now it never will. Standards are so insane these days people like me can't compete. I'm too short, ugly and autistic. (I should note I'm not a misogynist since I believe men would be the same if they were the choosers and apps were in their favor)I can't enjoy any of the hobbies and games I used to. I used to enjoy drawing but my lack of enthusiasm shows in everything I do now. I can't even suspend my disbelief to daydream a girl is next to me to fall asleep or snuggle a pillow.
I don't want to go to bed alone even one more night. Nothing can replace the feeling of a romantic relationship. Nothing compares. Life becomes dull and cold when you have no one to share it with. The little annoyances of life become amplified because there's no point in even continuing on besides avoiding upsetting my parents. I would rather CTB than spend decades alone. I dont want to even CTB i want to not be alone but there's too much competition.
I love my parents very much but I wish they understood just how bad it is these days and that CTB is my best option if I'm still alone at 30. I don't want to live to lose either of them either though because I don't think I could bear it, which makes me painfully aware how selfish it is in my particular case since I still have loving parents. I should be able to push through it for them, they deserve but I am too weak and tired. I feel really bad they will very likely outlive me but I just can't take the inadequacy and isolation anymore. My parents were already raising me by my age.
Sorry this post is so rambling. I just wish things were different. I wish I'd focused on hitting important milestones instead of playing video games with my friends and drawing all day as a kid. People praise my talent in hobbies which is nice but doesn't keep me warm at night; nor can any therapist or pill. I wish i could write the perfect note that would spare my parents the pain or as much as I possibly could
I don't want to go to bed alone even one more night. Nothing can replace the feeling of a romantic relationship. Nothing compares. Life becomes dull and cold when you have no one to share it with. The little annoyances of life become amplified because there's no point in even continuing on besides avoiding upsetting my parents. I would rather CTB than spend decades alone. I dont want to even CTB i want to not be alone but there's too much competition.
I love my parents very much but I wish they understood just how bad it is these days and that CTB is my best option if I'm still alone at 30. I don't want to live to lose either of them either though because I don't think I could bear it, which makes me painfully aware how selfish it is in my particular case since I still have loving parents. I should be able to push through it for them, they deserve but I am too weak and tired. I feel really bad they will very likely outlive me but I just can't take the inadequacy and isolation anymore. My parents were already raising me by my age.
Sorry this post is so rambling. I just wish things were different. I wish I'd focused on hitting important milestones instead of playing video games with my friends and drawing all day as a kid. People praise my talent in hobbies which is nice but doesn't keep me warm at night; nor can any therapist or pill. I wish i could write the perfect note that would spare my parents the pain or as much as I possibly could
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. I remember coming to the realization that there have been millions of humans borm before you and I , and many who will be born after you and I, who will never go to bed with a lover or lovers cause things , just as for you today, never perfectly lined up for them to meet a lover. Thats just how the life a human works. This life that you and I are living is kinda like a deal with the devil. By accepting this deal to live your full natural life on this green and watery rock you have to accept the sour part of the deal that includes that you , despite your best efforts , may never meet anyone to go to bed with sadly. It just is what it is 
