Help I don't want to die, how do I get out of this rut

[protocoltwentytwo]

I quit. I don't want to CTB anymore, I want to start a new life, how do I do it?

I've been watching videos of people CTBing and I've been scared straight. It's so brutal and you can see some people hesitate after it's too late. My mind can't fathom what would happen to my family when they see my corpse. Please I'm begging I don't want to be depressed, I don't want to kil myself. I want to live a quiet life, day by day. I've been failing college, I can't get a job, and idk what to do or what my future will be?

 

[E5463656]

idk try not to fail college and get a job after you graduate with a degree

 

[getoutgirl]

Hey, I'm glad to hear that. Even if it was out of such dread, which yeah, those videos are scary, it's a good decision if you do want to just live a quiet life.
I don't know about your exact circumstances or situation, sorry, so can't give specific advice. I do remember you were considering at lenght jumping, and dealing with si... which yeah, sucks.
Also, failing college while suicidally depressed, having 0 idea of what to do with your life if you don't end it + being under the constant guilt of the pain you'd cause loved ones if you do... is fun isn't it? it isn't. do i know. there i can relate a ton.

So I guess starting with the most obvious, are you getting any therapy or support or help of any kind? meds maybe? aaanything other than stuck in your head while dealing with this? Maybe u are but again, i don't know, and that'd be the start, a slow one, the whole process really no matter where u are, and not a straight line for sure, but I am glad you chose to stay today, and there are things to make it easier, more bearable, so I only wish that for u. That you can breathe easier today and these next days right after coming from this. Be kind to yourself if you can, when you can.
I'm around if u ever need to vent, and the ppl here too, there's great advice here believe me. Big Hugs <3

 

[MapleS]

It's a very vast question so that's what I would say knowing as much as I know

Depression is fightable so think about.. well meds. They don't help everyone, they don't help with everything but they help majority of people... even if that's your 6'th and you mix it with others... but that's rare. It mostly help at your 1st, 2nd, 3rd try

Oh and if you are experiencing extreme sadness, despair and other negative emotions actually mood stabilasers can help. It's a bit unconventional but works for some people so you can ask your psychiatrist about it

Therapy is a good option if you can afford it/have decent healthcare (you can ask your psychiatrist about good therapist.
Even if not full blown therapy - it can be like 3-5 sessions every few months (WITH A GOOD THERAPIS). But if you go with this one, let the therapist know you want to work as much in these X sessions and that's all you both have.

And you can start NOW. This forum has VERY good self-help resorces. Most of them are in the pinned to Recovry compilation but you can search them also by choosing cathegory of resorces.

Take care of yourself and what I mean is not necessarly physically (that's still good) but mentally. Be forgiving to yourself. Everybody makes mistakes.

Good luck <3 Hope you will find happiness in this world (It's possible)
Oh right, you can also try streaching. If helps release tension and generally makes me feel better every time.
for example:

 

[pyamu]

me too, you are very strong:) thank you