Venting i don't want to be remembered as just someone who died

[breachswapper]

sure, if i'm gonna die and not participate in life anymore, i guess that's my fault and that's what i get but, i don't want to be reduced to like. how much potential i could've had, all the things i could've done, instead of the things i did do. i don't want a funeral for family members to argue at, i don't want people to make up shit about "what i would've wanted" when i'm not even around. that makes me really sad. it feels like people see suicide as one of the worst things you can do, but i don't think it's that awful in every case.

thousands of people die and their legacy will be reduced to a news article, or just a number, things like that, and i just think that's really depressing to see. everyone is a person. it feels like death strips you of your identity in some way.

i feel so entitled for wanting more when i'm not even gonna be alive to experience what comes after, when i've barely done anything to "deserve" to be remembered as a person, and when i will leave in such a selfish way, but i don't know. there's so much more i want to say on this post but i can't find the words at all and that's really frustrating me

 

[Lest3]

I prefer the version of myself people would have in their heads than the version of myself I currently am