Discussion I don't understand how the lack of sex makes people sad.

[Gstreater]

I've been talking to one of my friends and they've been in a depressive but because they haven't been able to have sex. I'm not minimizing thier or anyone else's feelings I just don't understand them. I would appreciate if someone were able to explain the link to me.

 

[cme-dme]

I'm asexual so I'm not one to talk but sex (usually) is one of our most primal desires and not having it makes most people feel like shit because the mokey brain demands that we have sex and reproduce.

 

[Dak]

I'm demisexual then turn fraysexual (huge conundrum). When depressed, I'm not trying to get to know anyone or even want anyone touching me. My brain is wired to go by personality first then looks but if I'm in my own thoughts I don't want someone being nice to me. My depression is sparked by people, I need people to have sex, so not happening .

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I doubt it's just the lack of sex. I'm sure there's an entire litany of other (negative) things going on in the person's life, or events that have impacted them in the past, all of which contribute to their depression.

 

[sadalways]

For me it's some of that because i've never experienced it, combined with the fact that i'm lonely, crave romantic relationship more than anything and have no way of experiencing anything due to anxiety. So i can completely understand how they feel. In my case, it's just my brain being stupid due to having nobody in real life for forever. And a partner is what i've always wanted and will continue to want until i'm dead.

 

[Rymrgand]

Same, I don't really understand. I'm both a virgin and hypersexual, but I can deal with that by myself. What I "need" it's intimate connections, not necessarily sexual.

 

[Namelesa]

I can somewhat understand it but I am probably going to be different compared to most people that have this issue as I am a woman that has had sex before. I myself am a little upset at not being able to get it at the moment (due to me being trapped) but I can often use masturbation as a way to fill that desire. (Slut Talk) Masturbation and sex to me can be one of the greatest feeling in the world and I often use masturbation and sexting as a way of coping. For me tho the biggest difference between masturbation and sex is that I am pleasing someone else during sex. I love being able to please someone and for them to find value in my body and what they tell me to do and feeling pleasure is just a very good bonus to that. I love pleasing people as that is what gives me worth.

 

[Peter Skellern]

I doubt it's just the lack of sex. I'm sure there's an entire litany of other (negative) things going on in the person's life, or events that have impacted them in the past, all of which contribute to their depression.

In a nutshell very neatly summed up.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Exactly what locked*n*loaded and others are saying.

It's not the sex exactly. But to your mind and body, sex is a powerful validation.
Otherwise just masturbation would solve the problem. Or prostitution. These things often make isolated people feel even worse. Another party present isn't magical other than what it represents to your mind--sure you could argue some pheromones or other mechanism of action but even something like getting a compliment or a date helps people feel less like shit.

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

Well the biological purpose of sex is procreation, which is of course the means which continues the human race, so it only makes sense that humans have a desire for it, there body/Mind telling them they need it as a biological impulse for the survival of the species. And human desires are often translated into culture, and so as a result we have created a social expectation for sex in every humans life time. So when an individual grows up in that culture and are incapable of obtaining that which society puts on a pedestal, then it causes that person to feel like there not living up to the expectation placed upon them, which of course causes feelings of inadequacy in humans, which are fundamentally egoistic creature.

peoples obsession which sex, isn't really an expression of there biological impulse for procreation but rather a desire to live up to societies exceptions for how they should live there lives.

 

[tiredash]

The simple explanation. All life objective is to reproduce themselves. Humans can fool their brain and have sex without reproduction, but it still the same, its a basic need, and some people feel it pressing much stronger than others.

Also, its a way of feeling accepted by the sexed one... Which lonely people desperately need too

 

[zappynomore]

our brains crave food water and sex basically, so if you aint having it its easy to become depressed.

Also feeds into be lonely etc aswell.

 

[divinemistress36]

I think its a lack of intimacy or dopamine/oxytocin release. Im a female so I dont need it like men do as they have more testestrone and Ive always been used for sex so not a huge fan Im sure if it was with someone you love and they loved you back it would be more appealing

 

[locked*n*loaded]

In a nutshell very neatly summed up.

Thanks. I definitely believe in "straws that finally break the camel's back", though, if you will. We all have breaking points.

 

[Darkover]

It depends on how someone views sex and what emotional or psychological needs it fulfills for them. Some people associate sex with intimacy, connection, validation, or even a sense of accomplishment. If they feel deprived of it, they might feel lonely, unattractive, or frustrated.

For others, sex isn't that important or is just a biological function with no deeper meaning. If you don't feel sad about not having it, it could be that you don't attach the same significance to it as others do. Some people just don't have a strong drive for it, and that's completely normal too.

I had a relationship for 2 and half years and when it ended i was devastated at the thought i would never have sex again which became a self filling prophecy at the age of 18 and even to this day 20 years later I've not had sex again.

Losing something that was a regular part of my life—especially in the context of a relationship—was devastating. It's not just about sex itself but also the sense of connection, closeness, and even the identity that came with being in a relationship. When I thought i would never have it again, that belief might have shaped my actions and mindset, making it harder to put myself in situations where it could happen again.

losing that relationship triggered not just sadness about sex and intimacy but also a deeper existential crisis. it forced me to confront the idea of being alone, the passage of time, or the finality of things in a way I hadn't before. that was also when I became suicidal, it felt like everything lost its meaning at once.

also realizing that love isn't real and that nobody truly cares for anyone

 

[Michelstaedter]

Personally, since I was a teenager with depression, I realized two things.
The first is a psychological need to feel loved because when we are depressed, we unconsciously need affection, since we are humans, we have emotions and sensations that make us seek/compensate for a need, whether real or not (since it is part of our mind).
On the other hand, regarding the sexual. Being addicted to porn, I realized that when I was depressed, I sought to obtain those sensations that would generate "pleasant brain substances" that would reduce my pain. Obviously it is unconscious, it is not like I have known it, but it is also a form of survival, because in the form of depression and thoughts of death, the reproductive need, as in animals, makes us feel that in this case, by instinct or awareness of our mortality, we seek to reproduce and therefore it is a mere survival mechanism, rare but with a more biological than even rational meaning (wanting to be in a relationship and feel loved, having children with someone, etc.).

 

[lonergirl_26]

I agree. Sometimes, people seem very incel like they expect sex. It seems very 'I watch to much porn and don't understand that its not how it works in real life'
Obviously intimacy is different but I don't think people understand that sex and intimacy are different.
I hope that makes sense and comes across the way it does in my head.

 

[Grav]

Being married sex is another bond we have, a sign of affection and love. Losing that contributes to a feeling of married life breaking down, what was to be special and forever (yes im that way) dissolving. I put sex in a group with intimacy, cuddling, etc. many things effect it and some can be overcome but it takes a mental toll. if it was just physical then masturbation should be fine to a point.

 

[Manic Panic]

It's the desire of human touch and comfort. It doesn't exactly have to be sex but humans do need a sense of community with others. It's like a primal thing.

 

[AAE]

I (40M) would never ever want to have sex, it has always felt unnatural and disgusting to me and I look away whenever such stuff is in movies or anything. All I want is love and comfort, that's all I absolutely need and what I will never ever get again.

I don't look down on others for all this but I will never understand.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

unwanted and undesired. Feeling you're so much of a disease that no one wants to touch you. Sure that doesn't have to involve sex, but is part of it. Sex (for me anyway) gives me endorphins and and lessens stress, but it's so rare and most of the time I do the "solo deed" which isn't the same, obviously, but something is better than nothing as one would say. I do love sex in all it's forms. doesn't run my life as it does for some people. You could say I am one of those "special" people who wants a A.I. robo girl. Sure they exists currently but alas I don't have the approx $130K they cost. I'd have to win the lottery, once again, isn't possible. *sigh*.

 

[Ligottian]

Sexual starvation is definitely part of my suicidal ideation. Heterosexual male here,

 

[de_cache]

You are simply not as horny as some people. For some people, lack of sex means they're not getting a primal desire fulfilled. Imagine if you were never allowed to eat food again, but starvation wouldn't kill you. You'd want to die.

For others, what they want is love. They think they want sex, but want they want is love. Either one is very powerful.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I haven't had the desire for sex in several years, because I've got enough shit to deal with in my life.

When the urge hits, I just beat it to death. (Yes, in know... A little too much info!)

 

[Ligottian]

I think its a lack of intimacy or dopamine/oxytocin release. Im a female so I dont need it like men do as they have more testestrone and Ive always been used for sex so not a huge fan Im sure if it was with someone you love and they loved you back it would be more appealing

I want to be used by a woman before I CTB. All of any lovey dovey stuff has long been off the table for me.

If it feels this good getting used/Then use me up.
-Bill Withers, "Use Me"

 

[galaxid]

It depends on how someone views sex and what emotional or psychological needs it fulfills for them. Some people associate sex with intimacy, connection, validation, or even a sense of accomplishment. If they feel deprived of it, they might feel lonely, unattractive, or frustrated.

For others, sex isn't that important or is just a biological function with no deeper meaning. If you don't feel sad about not having it, it could be that you don't attach the same significance to it as others do. Some people just don't have a strong drive for it, and that's completely normal too.

I had a relationship for 2 and half years and when it ended i was devastated at the thought i would never have sex again which became a self filling prophecy at the age of 18 and even to this day 20 years later I've not had sex again.

Losing something that was a regular part of my life—especially in the context of a relationship—was devastating. It's not just about sex itself but also the sense of connection, closeness, and even the identity that came with being in a relationship. When I thought i would never have it again, that belief might have shaped my actions and mindset, making it harder to put myself in situations where it could happen again.

losing that relationship triggered not just sadness about sex and intimacy but also a deeper existential crisis. it forced me to confront the idea of being alone, the passage of time, or the finality of things in a way I hadn't before. that was also when I became suicidal, it felt like everything lost its meaning at once.

also realizing that love isn't real and that nobody truly cares for anyone

I resonate with the existential crisis. My first physical relationship lasted a year, and I was glad we broke up because we were toxic for one another. 19 years old, both of us trans though we didn't know it, etc. But I didn't even bother TRYING to date for years. The only reason I started up again was because I wanted to find friends, and going on dates was a great way to get to know someone. I did end up making lasting friendships, but I became too unstable to keep them.

So it's like, why put ourselves in the path of pain if we can just, not do that?

Sex is, to me, a massive chore that needs to be done and is pretty fun, sometimes, but I could live quite happily without it. I don't even enjoy masturbation very much. It's a simple, primal thing, like you said. If I could delete my libido from the face of the planet, I'd probably choose to in a heartbeat!

 

[divinemistress36]

I want to be used by a woman before I CTB. All of any lovey dovey stuff has long been off the table for me.

If it feels this good getting used/Then use me up.
-Bill Withers, "Use Me"

Go for it!

 

[Carrot]

I doubt it's just the lack of sex. I'm sure there's an entire litany of other (negative) things going on in the person's life, or events that have impacted them in the past, all of which contribute to their depression.

Well said, it's likely one of many components.

While not important to me, when it comes to sex, it seems like a natural biological need and is the most obvious way to give life meaning (even if not used for reproduction) for every animal. That's the most basic, banal meaning of life thing I can think of. Especially when society, media portrays it as something good and important. If you can't achieve that thing that everybody says is so awesome and amazing, it makes sense that lack of it can make people miserable.

I could say.. I don't understand what is so difficult to understand.

People want different things, for different reasons. Cultural, indocranation, among others. I'm sure you can think of something that is very important to you, something that you like and enjoy, meanwhile others find that thing boring or unimportant. It could be as simple as playing a certain game or certain genre of games. Somebody might find, let's say, roguelikes boring. Or visual novels boring. Same with movies. I enjoy watching some things that other find boring. I watch stuff that portray things which I am missing in my life (for example, meaning of life movies), meanwhile others might have that (meaning) so they have no desire to watch those kind of movies.
I don't understand how people can play roguelikes. I don't understand how people can watch meaning of life movies.

I look at some people, for example those with a lot of money. Why don't they just live your live without hurting others, is it that difficult? Some do, many do. But apparently it is difficult for others. Plenty of people don't care about power or forcing their views on others. Plenty of people don't care about money after a certain amount, meanwhile some never have enough of it.

A homeless person can look at somebody who has a steady job, place to live, food to eat.. and wish they had that, they would be happy.
Meanwhile the person they look up to is miserable with what they have.

We all have different experiences, different issues, different circumstances that shape us and make us crave different things. For some, it is sex, or lack thereof.