I dont know

[Dante_]

Sometimes I just have to be honest and say...This is why I don't think i can contend with a world thats so random and cruel like that to someone i cared about who was clearly going through a crisis that maybe if one action had been different, would've allowed her to live longer (not saying forever or she wouldn't have attempted again at a later time) but it pushed her no doubt, its strange seeing people celebrate starting new lives together and I have to live with all the knowledge that I do with what i experienced through her lens, the way she lived, attempted multiple times and eventually the way she...completed ending her own life and the sequence of events that occurred prior.

Life really does know how to allow tragic scripts to unfold right before your eyes and to summarize, I also think life is just really good at fooling us into believing things look good, promising even to invest even a bit of hope in if its allowed to be until the ugly truth of disappointment and pain is revealed at the last second, is that really a cycle worth living for even if there are brief moments of "joy" that give people reason to believe ALL OF IT is worthwhile for the very little they can capture in those moments. Its very awful to think about...just venting.

 

[PI3.14]

Sorry ur struggling my friend.

I resonate a lot with the second paragraph. I feel like I was betrayed by life, after having hope, multiple times that I no longer trust life at all.

I guess some of us are just unlucky in life. Just like there are people born with all kind of permanent illnesses, there are people who are destined to experience more pain than others.

 

[Dante_]

Sorry ur struggling my friend.

I resonate a lot with the second paragraph. I feel like I was betrayed by life, after having hope, multiple times that I no longer trust life at all.

I guess some of us are just unlucky in life. Just like there are people born with all kind of permanent illnesses, there are people who are destined to experience more pain than others.

The more I think about it, perhaps it makes more sense that way Pi, that some will unfortunately a lot of pain in life more than others...with the way life produces suffering so inconsistently and arbitrarily determinated by so many factors out of ones control, this is why rarely is understanding granted to someone who decided to exit because to them, its a terrible decision since it erases all other potential possibilities of life becoming manageable at the very least if the person lived a bit longer but a lot of us are tired of that, past a point, its insulting to try if there's nothing that convinces us its worth it.

I find hope to be nothing more than something i cannot hold for myself, ive been burnt out far too many times to keep any sense of the meaning of the word in any realistic sense. I'm more likely to experience the same cycle of disappointment and pain again than anything else, whenever I think about it, my friend was right, being spared from future ills (whatever that may look like individually) that could've stretched out over decades made more sense to avoid, this...this is a nothing game and yet people want to drag out for as long as they can, for whatever motivating reasons they give themselves, mostly hedonistic and selfish. In the end, when you conclude that it isn't to be any different, it makes sense to want to look at the option of leaving.