Help I dont know what I am or what to do

[PenguinsAreCool]

Hi, today I got diagnosed with ADD. Im not on medication just yet because my doctor told me to increase my antidepressants dosage to see if that changes anything first. I might also be going to therapy in the next few weeks-
But I'm having trouble.

Im 20 years old, and I haven't been able to work. My first 3 jobs have all ended terribly, with me wanting to kill myself and almost doing it all 3 times. Ever since than, I've been afraid of working. Working a job that might end in my depression getting more severe and suicidal thoughts that might be the end of me.

I want to get better, because my bf is by my side. But its hard.

What should I do?

I have a severe fear of working, but I want to earn. I dont know whats wrong with me. Its been what's causing me trouble the past few weeks. My family is in debt, im in debt. And its all so frustrating. I don't know why my brain keeps telling me that I can't work, that I won't be able to earn.

I just don't know where else to turn to for advice. But its all starting to crush my mental state.

If anyone has any advice, I will gladly listen/read. Thank you. And sorry for the rant.