Venting i don’t know if i can live like this anymore

[synthcadia]

i feel like i'm trying to get better but i feel like the future is bleak for me. i don't see a future for me.

i've been sick for over a month and i feel like my body is decaying. while some things have improved, i just feel so depressed and empty. dissociation is horrible.

going to invest in sn soon.

i'm tired of living like this. sometimes i feel like it's better, like i am being friends with people in a community i like. but then my anxiety kicks in. like, i am worried i am going to be crushed all over again over me thinking someone was flirting with me when really they were just being friendly. i have another guy i have some feelings for but i don't feel good enough for him.

i just hate myself. i wish i was different. i wish i was different. i wish i could feel because i feel like life is mundane and my dissociation makes me feel like i am living in black and white.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

Im sorry it had to come to this point in your life. its the best to come upfront with your feelings it can etheir go 2 ways and if he rejects u it just shows that he wasnt the one for you and it will save u pain later on. u are worthy of love like everyone is no matter what. Even if u feel so horrible in life u are yourself and thats whats most important, our every trait no matter if bad or good one shape us on who we are and even if u chose to CTB because of it at the end u were yourself and that what matters the most. Much love and good luck