Venting I don't have a purpose anymore

[overmorrow]

im so lost

this is a curse, a punishment, existence and consciousness is no gift, but a mental torture

how can one be happy about life? a continuous trail of pain, followed by small curves of happiness, i don't get normies, how they cope everyday and keep going

I see 0 point in living, 0, only an agonizing feeling following me everyday

I live my life without a clue, because i infact, don't have a clue of what to do, knowing everything will end up useless, or forgotten, there is no point in any of this, I can't make others happy or feel better anymore, I'm too tired for that

my whole life, i depended on one person, and even then, I was absolutely miserable, now he's gone, AND I still, am miserable, now that emotion has only expanded the damage caused to my thinking

I knew there was a risk, of not succeeding, we both were supposed to ctb together, but somehow, i survived, it's been years and i still can't move over

before, my purpose was to make him happy, but now what? what am i supposed to do? I wish I had the impulse to off myself, even now, with anything, but I'm so, so exhausted, to move, breath even, and fear still fills me.

 

[32yroldloser]

You took the words right out of my mouth. This is almost my life to a complete T right now and i know the pain.

I'm also so sorry for your loss, and what your feeling is 100% real and valid, dont let anyone tell you different.

I know that limbo feeling, not knowing how to move forward, feeling overwhelmed, it's a lot to go through.

But if no one told you let me be the one to say, i'm proud of you for lasting this long with your trials and tribulations.

Now whether you try to find meaning in this crazy world or choose ctb is up to you, and i support you right or wrong.

If you need to vent to somebody that understands i gotchu i can't promise ill be online all the time but i can try

 

[Pale_Rider]

Same