i don't deserve love

[anhedonic_moron]

met up with someone from a youth organization that specializes in talking to young people who have it rough and i met up with a kind listener who due to personal matters she has to attend to, had to stop corresponding until she assigned another listener to me, both of whom are nice and understanding when i talked in depth about my everything including suicidal ideation. had an appointment today and she gave me a christmas card as she is on leave for the holidays, i wish she could've written it for someone else. am way too pathetic and undeserving of help, there are others who are in a way worse position and here comes my stupid ass whining and complaining. i regret that i sought out help because of how much i drag this out, i deserve the mental torment
pathetic of me to write about this, i should've killed myself a while ago