Venting I cut again

[lackadazeE]

I told my therapist two months ago I was gonna stop self harming and then just went about unconsciously hurting myself I guess. I forgot that cutting isn't the only form of self harm and so after two months of not cutting I've finally done it again. Because like what's the point of not cutting if I'm just gonna self harm in other ways and continue craving my old methods of self harm, I never made good on my promise in the first place any way. The cuts aren't even deep. It never has been, though I wish I could go deeper. I love the way blood looks and I've missed that. But I'm just disappointed in myself that I went back on my word. I literally have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I feel like I just wasted all this time and effort trying to stop and I don't know I guess I was never really wanting to stop in the first place. My therapist said it would be best to get rid of the tool I use but I spent money on it and didn't want it to go to waste. I'd say it was nice having the option and she'd push me to throw it away. I probably should have listened. I'm such a failure. Like my dad says. Every body thinks that and I wish I could just be better. It's honestly not worth the effort.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I'm so sorry. Self harm sucks and people tend to bully others for it too. Do you have access to any red paint? Sometimes that helps me ? I will cover myself with it in the tub, or just paint red lines. Or red markers?
Sorry if this isn't helpful . I hope you can find a solution that you like soon and helps you find peace

I told my therapist two months ago I was gonna stop self harming and then just went about unconsciously hurting myself I guess. I forgot that cutting isn't the only form of self harm and so after two months of not cutting I've finally done it again. Because like what's the point of not cutting if I'm just gonna self harm in other ways and continue craving my old methods of self harm, I never made good on my promise in the first place any way. The cuts aren't even deep. It never has been, though I wish I could go deeper. I love the way blood looks and I've missed that. But I'm just disappointed in myself that I went back on my word. I literally have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I feel like I just wasted all this time and effort trying to stop and I don't know I guess I was never really wanting to stop in the first place. My therapist said it would be best to get rid of the tool I use but I spent money on it and didn't want it to go to waste. I'd say it was nice having the option and she'd push me to throw it away. I probably should have listened. I'm such a failure. Like my dad says. Every body thinks that and I wish I could just be better. It's honestly not worth the effort.

Also I know the pains also addicting.
Have you tried ice cold baths? Smoking a bong? Rubber bands?

 

[lackadazeE]

I'm so sorry. Self harm sucks and people tend to bully others for it too. Do you have access to any red paint? Sometimes that helps me ? I will cover myself with it in the tub, or just paint red lines. Or red markers?
Sorry if this isn't helpful . I hope you can find a solution that you like soon and helps you find peace

Also I know the pains also addicting.
Have you tried ice cold baths? Smoking a bong? Rubber bands?

Thanks I'll definitely try using markers.

 

[melancholymallory03]

Thanks I'll definitely try using markers.

No problem, I know the solutions are corny aomerimes
I just remember being in the psych ward and making " coping skill cards "
.
Just do what works for you. Red always helps me relax though, and usually soothes the desire to see blood, as for the pain :( maybe rubber bands and then draw a red line over ?
Just be careful this can leave bruises also if you are worried about anyone seeing

 

[Ash]

You haven't failed. You've relapsed. Two very different things.