Venting i can't be normal, even when nothing's wrong

[hapiraki]

i went to the aquarium with a friend today. i felt like i was uglier, and i was intruding into her personal space, so i had to find things i disliked about her appearance to feel better about myself. she paid for drinks, and i felt like shit for making her do it even though she was the one to offer me a drink. i feel like i fucked everything up and she hates me, despite the fact she happily made new plans and responded to my text afterwards. everything went normally if you think about it logically, but i still feel like she wants me dead. i just want to be able to enjoy my life without wanting to die


sorry if this doesn't fit here, it's my first non-reply and i'm not super used to the forum

 

[U. A.]

welcome. rules between what goes on which forum are pretty loose in a lot of cases.
the ability to recognize inconsistency between your inner state and the outer reality is a good thing. i suspect there are reasons behind why you think what you do, likely things from your past.
self-reflection, and if necessary skilled outside support, may bring more clarity and resolution. good luck

 

[liquid jen]

100% not alone in this experience. I also tend to feel pretty shit about myself when around certain people. I feel like I'm dragging them down socially because I fear people think I'm awful in some ways, or I feel like the friend themselves really just hates me. As the other reply said, being aware that it's likely not true is good, and reflecting on where it comes from.

Also, the post is fine !

 

[hapiraki]

i think i fucked up somewhere, she's removed me from her insta and told me it was for close friends only and she didn't trust me enough. i didn't count her followers before, but i think it might have only been me? even when she said it wasn't only me. she told me she had nothing against me and i can message her through her number, but i'm really scared. the texting style was kind of different, and i'm trying to tell myself it's a prank or something to cope. i really hope she doesn't hate me. i really hope she hasn't seen my post here. i don't know what i did wrong, but i wish there was some way i could make it up to her.
i'm sorry if this is a useless reply, or it goes around in circles. i'm kind of freaking out and wondering if i should just get catching the bus over with already