I am having imposter syndrome about being alive

[Unrecognizable7]

I feel like me just being alive still at this point is a flaw in the matrix, I feel so awake and cant believe that I stayed alive for so much longer than I should have. There is a real urgency to kill myself right now. I feel like I missed a deadline by 10 years and it is a terrible feeling, I am home alone and not even there I am at peace. Anyone else experience that?