Help How

[DK5]

Hello.

So last years/months are bad and it is only getting worse. That is my first post on this forum. Last 2/3 days were even worse. I made a lot of bad decisions in last days. I'm thinking about ending this life since few years. I feel ashamed I haven't done it yet. I wanted to finally do it before February/March, but I'm really scared of failing and worst scenario that I will become a vegetable after an failed attempt.

I thought about 3 methods, but I'm not sure which is the best, most reliable, least painful and fastest.
(I don't know if I have to write this, but don't follow these methods. This is not a guide.)

1. Train
To be honest, I feel like this is most realistic method for me, but I have doubts about its reliability. I don't want to get hit by train and then slowly bleed out, so someone can "rescue me". I thought about it and I found a good spot. Not too close to any stations, but more like in a forest/village. If I will do it, I will do it at night.

From my observations, most common train (attached picture) will hit me with a coupler (or whatever it is called, that part on the front) with speed around 70-80 kmph with weight around 120 tons. I don't want to look at the train, so I will probably be turned back to it (unless it will reduce chance to die), so it will hit me at back on the height of my chestplate. My plan is to jump under the train in place like forest/village, so it is at least 1km away (or more) from a small station. I want to run as fast as possible and stay on the middle of the track until it won't hit me. If there will be a possibility, I can hide behind a rail sign. I'm pretty sure it could work, but want to hear if it is really a good method.

Additional thing is how ethical it is. I know it is not the best idea to jump under the passager train. At least I want to do it at night, away from stations. I think train is pretty empty at that time. Alternatively I can wait for cargo train, but it is less predictable when it comes.


2. Hanging
So, around 2 years ago I bought a jute rope that is around 16mm in diameter (similar to the attached picture). I don't even know where I can hang myself. I thought about tree in forest (at night), but it is VERY HARD to find a tree for this. Hanging myself in home is not an option.

My plan is to tie rope as tight as possible to tree branch. Other side of rope will have know where I will put my head - which knot should be usued? I heard a slipknot will be good for it, but which one? I saw 2 different knots (attached image). I will stand on my bike and after putting a head in the loop, I will kick that bike and be hanging on the rope. I think it is called full suspension - I won't touch a ground or anything, just hanging on the rope.

I'm scared of this and pain. I think I won't pass out very fast.


3. Sodium Nitrite
First I learned about this method from this forum. It sounds like the best method available.

I can buy like 500g of sodium nitrite for 4 - 14 USD. To be honest I don't know a difference between one that costs 4 USD and 14 USD. Is it more worth to buy that more expensive?

I probably won't have a problem with buying soduim nitrite but I see a big problem with other medicines. I can only get a ibuprofen/paracetamol. I have no acces to antiemetics or any other important medicines. Only painkillers. I can't just go to the doctor and play symptoms so they will give me a prescription to these meds. I'm scared of it, I don't want this. Additionaly all of these instructions here gives me head ache. I feel like I'm too stupid for this, I don't want to fail anything.

Is it possible to do it with only sodium nitrite and ibuprofen/paracetamol?



I really want to do it fast and don't wait anymore. Last time I wanted to hang myself like 8-9 months ago, but I gave up. I'm a coward. After this I keep thinking about jumping under the train. This seems like the easiest method for me, but I don't know what is chance to survive that impact. I know it is much text and many questions, but I'm paranoid. I think that's all.


What method will be the best? What do you think? What should I change?
How can I overcome my fear for death and do it?

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

SN is lethal on its own without any additions. The other medications in the protocols are to reduce discomfort and lessen the risk of vomiting. But straight SN without anything else is absolutely deadly.

 

[DK5]

SN is lethal on its own without any additions. The other medications in the protocols are to reduce discomfort and lessen the risk of vomiting. But straight SN without anything else is absolutely deadly.

Thank you, I will research this topic deeper.

 

[Exhausted546]

If you don't mind me asking, why can't you hang yourself at home?

 

[Realog11]

If you don't mind me asking, why can't you hang yourself at home?

Are you still here

 

[DK5]

If you don't mind me asking, why can't you hang yourself at home?

I don't know how I can hang myself at my home. My room don't have any possible places for this. Everything looks like it is too easy to break. I want to do it in my room, because I can lock myself here so it will give maybe 30 minutes of additional time or even more if no one will care.

One more thing - there are many forests here. I would rather hang myself on a tree instead some fragile furniture in my house. I already found 2 places for that. I could easly go there at 1 AM and do what I have to do. I also don't have any problems to get there, I can be in one of these places in 10-15 minutes.

NearlyIrrelevantCake told me that SN doesn't requie any additions, so this will probably be my method. I really want to just lie in the bed and lose consciousness. Maybe it is possible to me to somehow hang myself in home but for now, as far as I know, sodium nitrite looks like the best option for me.

Sorry if I told something stupid. It is almost 3 AM and I'm pretty tired.

 

[Exhausted546]

I don't know how I can hang myself at my home. My room don't have any possible places for this. Everything looks like it is too easy to break. I want to do it in my room, because I can lock myself here so it will give maybe 30 minutes of additional time or even more if no one will care.

One more thing - there are many forests here. I would rather hang myself on a tree instead some fragile furniture in my house. I already found 2 places for that. I could easly go there at 1 AM and do what I have to do. I also don't have any problems to get there, I can be in one of these places in 10-15 minutes.

NearlyIrrelevantCake told me that SN doesn't requie any additions, so this will probably be my method. I really want to just lie in the bed and lose consciousness. Maybe it is possible to me to somehow hang myself in home but for now, as far as I know, sodium nitrite looks like the best option for me.

Sorry if I told something stupid. It is almost 3 AM and I'm pretty tired.

Are you in Europe? I'd be considering hanging in public too if it wasn't like -20° outside

You have gotten your hands on SN?

 

[DK5]

Are you in Europe? I'd be considering hanging in public too if it wasn't like -20° outside

You have gotten your hands on SN?

That is true, the temperature is quite cold. Here (I don't want to give exact location, but somewhere in Central Europe) it is only -10 degree celsius. Not that bad though.

I don't have any SN yet. For now I only found a place where I can buy it and it will arrive pretty fast.

 

[Exhausted546]

That is true, the temperature is quite cold. Here (I don't want to give exact location, but somewhere in Central Europe) it is only -10 degree celsius. Not that bad though.

I don't have any SN yet. For now I only found a place where I can buy it and it will arrive pretty fast.

Damn guess I'm not putting enough effort. The idea of walking through the snow and cold to find a tree. Idk.

About an hour ago I decided I'd go at the local park to see if there's trees to hang from. I took a few steps outside and went back home. Wasn't about to walk in the snow and cold. But technically I'm sure there's nobody there rn, I could do it. There's a regional park that isn't far from my home, I could go there I guess, plenty of trees.

Only issue I have with hanging myself at home is devaluing the house.

Anyway, SN sounds peaceful, I hope that whichever you choose, everything will go well

 

[DK5]

Damn guess I'm not putting enough effort. The idea of walking through the snow and cold to find a tree. Idk.

About an hour ago I decided I'd go at the local park to see if there's trees to hang from. I took a few steps outside and went back home. Wasn't about to walk in the snow and cold. But technically I'm sure there's nobody there rn, I could do it. There's a regional park that isn't far from my home, I could go there I guess, plenty of trees.

Only issue I have with hanging myself at home is devaluing the house.

Anyway, SN sounds peaceful, I hope that whichever you choose, everything will go well

Thanks.

I'm not gonna lie, -20 is very cold and I won't probably search for a tree too.

I searched it at the summer and remembered these places. Getting there at -10 is not that bad as trying to find that place.

It brings back me so much memories when I tried to find these places. It was maybe around 2-3 years ago. Can't believe it how fast time is.

I have same thoughts, SN sounds really peaceful compared to all other methods. I wish everyone could find their own peace.

 

[KaliAimes012]

Thanks.

I'm not gonna lie, -20 is very cold and I won't probably search for a tree too.

I searched it at the summer and remembered these places. Getting there at -10 is not that bad as trying to find that place.

It brings back me so much memories when I tried to find these places. It was maybe around 2-3 years ago. Can't believe it how fast time is.

I have same thoughts, SN sounds really peaceful compared to all other methods. I wish everyone could find their own peace.

european here, where do i get SN? ive searched alot of places but i cant find anything. I dont have a credit card so online pay is limited to iDeal.

 

[Jello Biafra]

To be absolutely honest with you, this is not something that can be rushed. I know you're in a hurry and all, but for any method you choose there are variables that need to be addressed and accounted for. Otherwise you are taking a big risk that you missed something and end up with all of the issues you have now, only 1000x worse with brain or other physical damage.

The decision to ctb won't go away. It will always be there unless you get committed or something, but please don't make a rash decision simply because you are in a hurry. There are plenty of resources here and it's a decision that can't be reversed, even if you fail.

If you were shopping for a car, more than likely you would carefully weigh out your options. This is your life you are talking about, don't skimp on the details.

I hope you are able to find some peace, whatever you do.

 

[Lastact]

Damn guess I'm not putting enough effort. The idea of walking through the snow and cold to find a tree. Idk.

About an hour ago I decided I'd go at the local park to see if there's trees to hang from. I took a few steps outside and went back home. Wasn't about to walk in the snow and cold. But technically I'm sure there's nobody there rn, I could do it. There's a regional park that isn't far from my home, I could go there I guess, plenty of trees.

Only issue I have with hanging myself at home is devaluing the house.

Anyway, SN sounds peaceful, I hope that whichever you choose, everything will go well

I live in Europe too bit where do you buy it? I can't find SN with 99% concentration..

 

[Deer_Dairy]

That is true, the temperature is quite cold. Here (I don't want to give exact location, but somewhere in Central Europe) it is only -10 degree celsius. Not that bad though.

I don't have any SN yet. For now I only found a place where I can buy it and it will arrive pretty fast.

I am too from central Europe and I think I may help with decision, but I do not want to look like I am giving you tips how to do it. But please reconsider the train. Train driver may be traumatized for the rest of his life.
From options you mentioned, I would go with SN since it is strong poison which acts quite fast if you use big enough dose.

I live in Europe too bit where do you buy it? I can't find SN with 99% concentration..

Look for it. It can be bought but in most countries you need to be entrepreneur which needs SN for his job. But in some countries it;s not regulated. I guess Poland? Not sure, tho.

 

[FaultyCepheus]

Train - is traumatic for driver so isn't recommended at all as well as SI making it difficult
Hanging - is a good option but has a lot of maybes and fully depends on your situation - if you live with others and plan on doing it at home its not overly recommended as the thrashing alerts people and you can be 'saved'
SN- is the most heavily talked about method on here id say but depends on where youre from as in places like the uk its impossible (you'll get sectioned for ordering it) and it requires a lot of other things. It also isnt as painless as everyone says
A lot of people have started looking into things like ligature strangulation, night night method as theyre more accessible and exit bag now if you havent researched those.
Wish you the best sorry you're going through this

 

[DK5]

Train - is traumatic for driver so isn't recommended at all as well as SI making it difficult
Hanging - is a good option but has a lot of maybes and fully depends on your situation - if you live with others and plan on doing it at home its not overly recommended as the thrashing alerts people and you can be 'saved'
SN- is the most heavily talked about method on here id say but depends on where youre from as in places like the uk its impossible (you'll get sectioned for ordering it) and it requires a lot of other things. It also isnt as painless as everyone says
A lot of people have started looking into things like ligature strangulation, night night method as theyre more accessible and exit bag now if you havent researched those.
Wish you the best sorry you're going through this

Some things changed since I started this thread. I promise this shit changes from worst thing possible to something better and unpredictable for me.

Despite being really scared I just picked up the parcel from the locker. Now I have SN. To be honest, I feel much more safe while having it, knowing that if things fuck up too much, I have something to end this. For now, there is chance to get better, but I'm keepeing it just in case. I packed this in idk 3-4 different packaging, because I'm scared it will somehow poison me (I store this in bedroom).

I know that train is not the best idea, but when I asked it I needed to have at least one method to do it, because as I said, I feel safer when I know I can just end this. I didn't had SN, so I thought only about train. Also for hanging and SN, I have few places in distant places with no people, so if I will do it, I do it there in the night. There is no chance someone find me there. Now if I have SN, probably every other method is out.

Also I found another method that is possible for me. Guns. Some guns are legal with no licence. If I will got enough money, I will just buy it. Unfortunately, it will requie some preparation, but it could be just nice addition to have and don't rely only on SN.

 

[Zionhasfled]

Some things changed since I started this thread. I promise this shit changes from worst thing possible to something better and unpredictable for me.

Despite being really scared I just picked up the parcel from the locker. Now I have SN. To be honest, I feel much more safe while having it, knowing that if things fuck up too much, I have something to end this. For now, there is chance to get better, but I'm keepeing it just in case. I packed this in idk 3-4 different packaging, because I'm scared it will somehow poison me (I store this in bedroom).

I know that train is not the best idea, but when I asked it I needed to have at least one method to do it, because as I said, I feel safer when I know I can just end this. I didn't had SN, so I thought only about train. Also for hanging and SN, I have few places in distant places with no people, so if I will do it, I do it there in the night. There is no chance someone find me there. Now if I have SN, probably every other method is out.

Also I found another method that is possible for me. Guns. Some guns are legal with no licence. If I will got enough money, I will just buy it. Unfortunately, it will requie some preparation, but it could be just nice addition to have and don't rely only on SN.

Can you PM me? I'm also from the US.

 

[FaultyCepheus]

Some things changed since I started this thread. I promise this shit changes from worst thing possible to something better and unpredictable for me.

Despite being really scared I just picked up the parcel from the locker. Now I have SN. To be honest, I feel much more safe while having it, knowing that if things fuck up too much, I have something to end this. For now, there is chance to get better, but I'm keepeing it just in case. I packed this in idk 3-4 different packaging, because I'm scared it will somehow poison me (I store this in bedroom).

I know that train is not the best idea, but when I asked it I needed to have at least one method to do it, because as I said, I feel safer when I know I can just end this. I didn't had SN, so I thought only about train. Also for hanging and SN, I have few places in distant places with no people, so if I will do it, I do it there in the night. There is no chance someone find me there. Now if I have SN, probably every other method is out.

Also I found another method that is possible for me. Guns. Some guns are legal with no licence. If I will got enough money, I will just buy it. Unfortunately, it will requie some preparation, but it could be just nice addition to have and don't rely only on SN.

Alright i wish you the best sorry this stuffs happened to you