Help How to snap out of, prevent or calm down from a suicidal crisis?

[Melly]

This might be a common problem? Here's my situation. I'm trying to stay alive for my loved ones but I am very unstable. I seem to always have had some sort of tension building up in the back of my mind, no matter what I do, and eventually it all gets too much and I become incredibly self destructive. I've been like this as far back as I can remember. I don't know if that can change.

I am like a bomb that needs to be defused regularly.

I have at least one person who can reliably calm me down and make me sane again.
But I also don't want to be a burden. And sometimes nobody is available.

How do I defuse myself? Can anyone relate? How do you deal with yourself and like... keep those 30 minutes of alone time from escalating into a suicide attempt.

Any advice would be welcome even if it's stupid. Thank you... And good luck with whatever you might be dealing with.

 

[Redacted24]

Totally with you! I tend impulsive and don't keep the means handy (don't have them although I could easily)... and during a spell a couple of years ago I kind of came out of it less than a km from where I would have my hands on it.

For me there are a few things I try depending on when I'm in that mind.

Going for a walk, especially into nature is my go- to. Try to notice the leaves, squirrels, birds. Try to spot things in the shadows. It's hard to get up and get moving, but once you start it'll just flow.
(I was on such a walk but went into town during my near miss above. Try not to walk to a shop that sells firearms!)

If that's not an option (night/ weather) then I try music, or reading kids or YA books because they're easy and don't require much effort

Of course coming here to play games or read others posts etc kind of grounds me too (thanks everyone for the content!)

Those just come to mind.
I'm sure others have terrific ideas...
Hope it helps!

 

[Santana Idaho]

This might be a common problem? Here's my situation. I'm trying to stay alive for my loved ones but I am very unstable. I seem to always have had some sort of tension building up in the back of my mind, no matter what I do, and eventually it all gets too much and I become incredibly self destructive. I've been like this as far back as I can remember. I don't know if that can change.

I am like a bomb that needs to be defused regularly.

I have at least one person who can reliably calm me down and make me sane again.
But I also don't want to be a burden. And sometimes nobody is available.

How do I defuse myself? Can anyone relate? How do you deal with yourself and like... keep those 30 minutes of alone time from escalating into a suicide attempt.

Any advice would be welcome even if it's stupid. Thank you... And good luck with whatever you might be dealing with.

The simplest solution is to distract yourself until you've procrastinated enough to come out of panic. It's the only thing that works, unfortunately. I'm trying to fix my nervous system and implement some healthy distress tolerance skills. It's really, really hard for people like us. I'm here because I've already tolerated distress; I can't tolerate distress any farther. (Supertroopers). You still want to live. That's going to carry you through a lot.

It sucks, but , all you can do is do something you want to do every day. Live for the things you look forward to. You can do almost anything you want if you know how to get it. You found this forum, and here you are asking for help. How many of us die before even considering that? How many of us die without talking to anyone who understands? And here I am, telling you what I know about living with trauma.

It'll never leave. But if you want to, if you are willing, you can learn to live for what good you can experience. You can start with accepting that your friend loves you. Accept that even though you are looking into a painful future, there's no use in grieving a pain that hasn't happened. They're with you now. Accept that they are limited. Just as you are limited. And that suffering, at all levels, is part of being alive.

Talk to them. Tell them you love them. That they mean a lot to you. That you're struggling, and you need them to work on their boundaries with you.

Hopefully this will soothe some of the fear of overburdening them. There are some free and low cost support groups you can try to get some live socialization with people who relate.

A bit about me:


I've never experienced anything good that's stayed with me. All good memories are tainted by how they led to bad endings. One of my earliest memories is feeling exhaustion at the thought of living for a long time. I never even knew about death at the time, and I didn't learn about suicide until later in elementary. I've been wanting to die ever since. I almost attempted the night before 7th grade.

I've spent ages trying to find my purpose. What I've always wanted to do it connect to people. People like me. And people who don't understand people like me. So, I'm focusing on different ways to do that.

I still want to die.

But a reason to live is a reason to live.